


I Wouldn't Remember Me Either.

by owlbranch



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt, Not Beta Read, and its just. pain, idk how to exactly tag this, its just from wilburs pov, not much comfort either, will is a dickhead too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-16 12:34:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 27,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28582071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/owlbranch/pseuds/owlbranch
Summary: Will was always the golden kid, the perfect kid, the one student everyone aspired to be like. Of course, it had to end somewhere. That somewhere being him getting a new brother.
Comments: 14
Kudos: 36





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this is mainly a vent fic? idk if it exactly is that venty, moreover me projecting my own trauma etc in this. its all fiction, so do not associate it with the actual creators.
> 
> also if you see any typos, grammatical mistakes etc. ignore them ^^ i dont let others betaread my fics and i usually make simple mistakes that i don't notice. english isn't my native language either, so.
> 
> title is based off of "It's Ok I Wouldn't Remember Me Either" by Crywank.
> 
> TWs:
> 
> description of depression, self harm, suicidal thoughts.

Will had always been living an ordinary life. Well, he thought so. His father always told him how he shouldn’t worry about grades, yet he always did well. He got along with his younger brother, Tommy, fairly easily and they always had fun. It was just a calm family, nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Just a dad, and his two kids. Everyone around town even envied the way their dynamic was so well-kept. It was like they never had conflicts, never felt like running away, never caused problems on purpose, it all seemed too good to be true. 

He was coming home from school, another uneventful day, he got one of his tests back and it was an A, which honestly didn’t even make him smile as much as before unlike his other classmates. He opened the door to his home, took off his coat and shoes and was ready to go upstairs to his room, when he heard a new voice in the living room. It didn’t sound like Tubbo, ‘cause he knew what the boy sounded like. Phil was also talking with the voice. It sounded...monotone and deep. Which was surprising to him, as he always heard high-pitched laughter. 

And so he took a step into the living room, instead of going upstairs. He looked at the couch, where Phil and a boy were sitting. He seemed like he was around his age, which weirded him out. Why would Phil have a boy his age in their home? Especially someone who looks like they got a paint bucket thrown onto their hair. Like jeez, the boy’s hair was pink and you could see the brown roots a little bit. At least take care of your hair color better, dickhead.

“Uh, hello..?” Wilbur finally said, making Phil and the boy flinch at his voice. Guess they were too in-depth talking to each other that they didn’t even hear Will come home.

“Oh! Wilbur! You got home just at the right time.” Phil said, smiling. He motioned for Will to sit onto the couch with them as well. Will didn’t like how this was going already, even if it was just the start.

“I’d like to meet your new brother Techno. Please treat him nicely this time.”

_Huh? What is this? A repeat of when Tommy was welcomed to the family?_

Wilbur sat there, trying to take in the information he just heard. Having one brother was already annoying enough, but someone like this? Lord have mercy, he’d most likely want to leave within the first week of being here, considering how the family is. They are calm, but sometimes Tommy is reckless with his friend Tubbo. And of course, Will and Tommy can get into arguments at times, but they never truly scar their relationship or anything of the sort. It just, is over within 2-3 hours of the argument happening. 

“Uh...hi. I hope we can get along well.” was all he could get out as a response. Techno just looked at him and then away, seemingly uninterested in the other trying to welcome him into the household.

“Tommy already knows, so you don’t have to worry about telling him about this. Just...try to warm up to one another calmly, okay? When we’re all together for dinner, I’m sure we can bond more anyway!” Phil said, patting both of the boys’ shoulders when he got up and showed Techno to his room. 

Will sat on the couch for a bit, before he got up and went to his room. His step was a bit faster than usual, for some reason. When he got to his room, he shut his door and locked it. He flopped onto his bed, thinking about how he felt about this.

When Tommy first got introduced to the family when he was about 10, it didn’t bother him, even if Tommy was a foster kid, Wilbur was glad to welcome him to the home with open arms. He was glad to have someone younger than him around, to mess around with, to play with, to have a friendship with. Having a brother was nice, even if you sometimes had some serious bickerings. Even if they were somewhat polar opposites, they still had a strong brotherly bond. Tommy was a loud, energetic kid who loved to only hang out with either Will or Tubbo. No one else. Wilbur, on the other hand, kept to himself more. If he had an issue, he’d bottle it up. He hated worrying others, it made him feel vulnerable, like a deer in headlights. Whenever he felt worthless, or something bothered him, he just kept a smile on his face saying that it’s okay, that nobody should worry.

But having another new family member, at such an age as well, felt like a kick in the stomach. Techno seemed like he was about 17, about a year older than him. He seemed so timid and uninterested in everything, so why would they need a family member at such an age. Wasn’t two kids enough? Did Phil just want to annoy them both with a new addition that would leave sooner or later anyway. He sure had an expression that screamed ‘I’m a problem kid, look at me’ than a welcoming, warm one. Will knew Phil well, especially since he was the kid Phil had taken care of for the longest. He still remembers the day clearly, when he got to his new foster home, expecting it to be like the last two. But alas, it wasn’t. It was a nice, calm atmosphere that let him breathe finally. He finally felt like he could do what he wanted, without worry. 

Or did Phil get a new kid because he felt like he needed someone better than him, to praise? Was Will’s hard work not enough, that he had to find a new kid to be proud of? Did Phil just hate him? 

_No...That can’t be it. I’m just overthinking it again._

He sighed as he rolled onto his back. He stared at the ceiling, which was just a plain white. He looked at the small cracks in it, trying to analyze them to forget about his new ‘brother’. All of this just frustrated him, more and more. He scrunched up his nose at the thought of them having dinner together. He won’t talk about himself to anyone, he’ll just tire Phil out and make Tommy think less of himself. He didn’t want his family to be ruined by some...pig.

As he thought about all these things, he felt his eyelids get heavier and heavier. Eventually, he fell asleep. School did exhaust him out, so it was only fair for him to feel tired and nap for a little while. He was napping for longer than usual, since when he woke up, he was being called up for dinner. 

The atmosphere at the dinner table wasn’t as calm as usual, because of Techno’s presence there. Phil tried to strike up a conversation multiple time, but it just ended more and more awkwardly the longer he tried. Tommy, the energetic kid, was the only one who answered Phil’s questions, to not make him feel like he asked them for nothing. Will tried to answer after too, but he couldn’t find the willpower to, not with Techno around. The kid hadn’t said a word since Will had gotten home and it frustrated him in all honesty. Why join a family to be ignorant of everyone? It seems so fucking stupid.

When everyone had finished eating, Will was the first one to leave. He hated how everything felt tense. He hated that feeling, a lot. And so he ran up the stairs to his room, slamming the door shut and locking it. He sat down against it, angirly sighing. Why does he feel so angry toward Techno. Was it jealousy? Was it that he wanted attention? Was it that he hated the guy? He didn’t exactly know, he just knew that he didn’t like the kid one bit. And with that thought, he headed back to bed, not doing anything for hours, until he passed out.

———————————————

It had been about two weeks, since Techno arrived. The kid still didn’t talk much, but he did do one thing well. Be better than him at school. Instead of getting praise and congratulations from Phil, Techno now got the attention. Techno was the perfect kid now. Techno was the golden kid who got the praise. Techno was the kid everyone wanted to be like. Will was just a loser now, a sore loser. He had no talents, he had no use for his good grades, he was just a nobody in Phil’s eyes now. He was the ignored middle kid, and he couldn’t even do anything about it. He was stuck with this, forever now. All because of Techno, that fucking bastard. 

Maybe Techno deserves the attention and praise. Maybe Techno deserves everyone’s love and gratitude. Maybe Techno was the better kid after all. At least he didn’t cause others to worry about him. At least he wasn’t the problem kid. At least he had people who genuinely wanted to be his friends. What did Will have? No one, all the attention he got from his classmates was fake. He had Schlatt as a friend for a little while, but they had a messy falling out that he still regrets so much. They were inseparable, but a simple mistake Wilbur made had ripped them apart so violently, that the last sentence he heard from Schlatt, still lingers in his mind sometimes.

He sighed, as he checked the time. It was 4AM, another sleepless night for him. He never felt sleepless, he always fell asleep early and was a morning kid, unlike most others. But getting no attention from anyone anymore hit differently, I guess. He sat there, on his bed, just staring into the void that was his room. He hates the dark, but sleeping with some kind of light on, wasn’t possible. ‘It disrupts others’ Phil had always said. He was always told that the figures he saw move in his room and speak to him, weren’t real. He knew that, yet it was so hard to ignore them. Their loud voices, the way they got closer and closer, grabbing his arms and directing him to the one drawer he refused to touch. They always did this to him. They always wanted him to be hurting. They always wanted him to be paranoid. 

This night though, he did as the figure spoke. He reached to the drawer, hesitantly. When he opened it, he saw a box cutter there. He hated the sight of it, it reminded him of the first house he was in, but eventually you have to grow used to things. Even if it’s through pain. He grabbed the box cutter, and looked at it. The blade was sharp, but a bit dull since Wilbur stole this ages ago, and had used it before. He sighed, as he heard the voice tell him to move the blade out more, so it isn’t just sitting inside the casing. He did so, and stared at it. He didn’t want to do it, he didn’t want to listen to the voice, telling him how “it’ll help, it’ll make you feel real, it’ll make you feel loved.” 

He really didn’t want to do it, he looked at his arms, how there were some scars from ages ago. They were still somewhat visible, as he wasn’t as...brave back then. He still isn’t brave now. But the voice was so loud, that he closed his eyes and did what they told him to do. It didn’t hurt at first, but when he opened his eyes, he saw how it was worse than what he used to do. It stung, but yet it made him feel like he was loved again. Loved by his demons, loved by everyone who hates him, loved by his family. He just sat there for a bit, trying to not let the blood get onto his covers or shirt. Eventually, he got up and grabbed the bandages he had stored away as an emergency. He wrapped the cut up, even if it was still bleeding a bit. He put the rest of the bandage roll away, same with the box cutter.

He sat back onto his bed, thinking how maybe if he did that more, it’ll just help him out. One voice was telling him it will help, while the other, much quieter voice was begging him not to. He wanted to be with the others still, even if he didn’t get attention. Tommy still gave him attention, they still played together, they still hung out like they used to. The only thing that has changed was that Will was more and more unmotivated to do anything, so it concerned the younger. But he didn’t pester him about it, assuming he’ll sort it out on his own. They still had fun together, right? 

He went back to bed, sleeping until noon, which did concern Phil, but he didnt pester the kid about it. All Will did during the day was sit in his room, occasionally trying to play his guitar, to see if it'd make him feel better. But alas, all it made him feel was pain, as the cut was still healing and it was in such a place that practically made it impossible to play the damn instrument without constant pressure on it. He sighed, as he looked out his window, right next to his bed. It was cloudy, no rain yet though. But the weather predictions did say that their local area would be storming and that school was cancelled for the time being, for safety purposes. 

He had nothing to do, as Tommy was at Tubbo’s place and Techno was...Techno. He had no one to talk with, he had no one to even just tease and play with. All he had was himself and his thoughts, which he hated, a lot. It was always how nobody loved him, how the happiness he felt wasn't real, how the attention and gratitude he used to get was all fake. He believed the voices, but also wanted to block them out. He didn't want them around, they made him feel scared. He feared he had hurt everyone around him that he got no attention. He feared he was a failure. A loser. An absolute nobody. I mean, who really liked him anyway? Nobody genuinely had ever told him how much he means to someone, how he makes someone happy, how he makes someone feel safe. All he got was just lies. Fucking lies about being loved, cared about, praised. It was all lies.

He was a good for nothing. The only times he got attention from his dad ended up being the biggest lies yet. He never really cared about Wilbur. He just took him in as a kid because of pity. Just flat out pity. “Aww look at that kid, he has no parents, and his life is shit,” that's what everyone thought of him. He didn't want to be pitied, yet he was. What did he have to do to be genuinely cared about? Did he have to let his grades slip even more? He used to get A’s, now he’s getting C’s and D’s. Does he have to physically harm himself to show how beaten up he feels? To show how his mental state is? To show how he hates being all alone?

Does he have to eventually disappear, just so people could show their genuine emotions about him? 

It all frustrated him, he didn't want to die, yet it seemed like the only choice if it meant he'd get the attention he yearns for. 

And so he sat on his bed, thinking, if he should do it or not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed reading this ^^ drink some water if you need to.
> 
> i am unsure if i should continue it, as i do have more ideas but the topics can be heavy.
> 
> once again, this is all fiction.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will had made a new friend, which made him happier. His younger brother though, wasn't as happy with it and was instead worried out of his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> decided to continue this. reminder, it is all fiction and shouldn't be associated with the real life counterparts. 
> 
> tw for substance use (alcohol, weed) , description of dereality, depressive and suicidal thoughts .

Will had forgotten about those thoughts completely when the storm week was over. He didn’t pay much mind to them, even if they were eating him up from the inside. He didn’t want to make himself seem vulnerable, hurt, lost. He just wanted to fake being alright so everyone would leave him alone with the “Are you ok? Do you need to talk?” bullshit. Why would talking to some stranger about his problems help him? He was perfectly fine, no need for outside help. No need for meds. No need for comfort. No need for therapy. He was just your average 16 year old going through a ‘phase’ as some would say. 

He sighed, as he checked the time. 7AM it read. He had to get up and go to school, but honestly he didn’t want to. He was tired of hearing the constant “Will, your grades are falling, is everything alright at home?” act. The teachers really didn’t care about him, or any other student, to be fair. They just said it to make their reputation go higher, to not lose their job for some kid being depressed and slacking off in their classes constantly. It was stupid that the teachers even had to put up the act of caring. Why care when you just want to torture the kid more with extra assignments and classes after hours. It doesn’t fucking help if others have only 1 assignment to do and you have 3 because “You need to study more! Otherwise you won’t get into a good college. Do more work than the others to upper your motivation and grades!”. What kind of bullshit was that?

He got up, unwillingly, and changed into his school clothes. It was just a plain jumper with a coat on top and some black jeans. He never really wore clothes that made him stand out. He just enjoyed the types of clothes that felt comfortable and occasionally had neat orcas or sharks drawn on them. He looked like a nerd with the orca sweater that he rarely wore, but didn’t mind it. I mean, who cares if you look like a nerd, everyone calls you one anyway if you own a goddamn pair of glasses and wear them on the daily. He’s surprised he hasn’t been called a fucking slur yet. Everyone said those in his class like it was nothing, which disgusted him. Why would you just blatantly say something you can’t even reclaim. It’s stupid. 

He stretched a bit, trying to wake himself up more, before grabbing his bag and going downstairs. He was ready to walk to school again, when Phil told him that he’s gonna drive them all to school today, due to the weather conditions. Just ‘cause the storm had been over for a day or two now, didn’t mean that it was safe to just go outside without driving or using public transport of the sort. Will sighed, and waited impatiently in front of the door. He didn’t feel like eating breakfast, it seemed too frustrating to deal with this early in the morning. Tommy seemed really excited for today though, so that made him feel a bit better before school. 

The car ride was fairly silent. Nobody talked, it was just the radio that made the most noise. Will usually would’ve struck up a conversation with Tommy, to pass the time, but with Techno here now, he didn’t even want to think about talking. Not in his presence. Something about the eldest being there just made him feel like shit. He sighed and looked out to the passing houses and trees. His school wasn’t that far away from home, but the route they took was longer than usual. Guess Phil didn’t want to risk the shortcut road. 

Eventually, he got dropped off at his school. The sight of it outside already made him feel hollow and disgusting. He slowly walked in the building, feeling how the fresh air turned thick and uneasy when he entered. People were talking and doing their own thing, thankfully not noticing him. He usually was the kid who everyone paid attention to, but ever since Techno started going there, it changed. The older was walking behind him and suddenly everyone was swooning over him. They all said how good he was at every subject, how pretty he looked, how he was the perfect student in the whole school, how they wanted to be like him. It disgusted Will, why would everyone switch up so quickly? To get attention themselves. 

Will never paid attention whenever he got the same treatment Techno is getting. He always ignored it, he didn’t want to be told how people wanted to be like him. Who would want to be a depressed kid in high school that didn’t even believe in his own skills? Who the fuck would want to be like that? It’s so idiotic. Like sure, he appreciated the praise and compliments, but it sometimes felt too forced. He could tell nobody actually was proud of him, they just wanted him to befriend them and then be cheated off of. They wanted to use him. 

He stepped into the classroom he had his first lesson in. It was algebra, so he didn’t really pay attention. He sat in the far back corner of the class, as to not get into too much trouble when he did doodle on his papers, was on his phone or just napping. He really enjoyed doodling little characters on his papers, even if they didn’t make sense to others. He made up stories with them, how they had a nation full of peace and calmness. The people in the nation lived happily and enjoyed each other's presence, all up until an election that made the nation's former president, along with his vice president, get exiled. The story had so many branches of possibilities that could happen, yet he chose the one where the president dies in the end. Will enjoyed the story, even with it’s bitter ending. It felt nice, for some reason. He even saw himself as the president who died. 

_I guess it’s how my life is now. I had a nice and peaceful life with Tommy and Phil, nothing was wrong. But then Techno had to be introduced and ruin it all. Makes me feel like fuckin’ shit._

His thought was cut short with the bell ringing loudly, signaling for him to get up and go to his next class. He didn’t really want to move, but he forced himself to. If he stayed in his seat, people would get mad anyway. He groggily moved to the next classroom, which he had english literature in. He hated that class, the teacher usually forced them to read out their answers for the homework and then also the texts they had to read. It felt so invasive. He was actually weighing his options whether or not he should skip the class, since it didn’t really matter. One-time thing, you know? And so he skipped it.

He went outside of the school building, just wandering around. He never really skipped his classes before, the only time he ‘skipped’ was when he felt unexpectedly ill. Which, now thinking about it, isn’t really skipping. It’s just staying home ill. Anyways, he went back to walking around the school campus, trying to find an activity to occupy himself with. There wasn’t really anything you could do in October, sure, Halloween happened that month, but other than that, no activities were really fun unless you were with the right people. Which, he didn’t have. He didn’t have any friends, the only person he talked with was Tommy, and the kid was usually at Tubbo’s place anyway, doing his own thing. 

He looked around, until he noticed a classmate of his right outside of the campus. It was Minx, someone he knew but wouldn’t consider a friend. She was moreover an acquaintance, since Schlatt was the one who introduced him to Minx, but the two never talked when Schlatt was around. Even now, he was unsure if he should walk up to her and try to talk about something, but his legs were already moving. When he got to the place Minx was, she didn’t even notice Will at first. She was doing her own thing. He knew Minx liked to frequently sneak out of her home or skip classes, just to smoke. It didn’t bother him but actually seeing how she was, it made him tempted to try some as well.

“Uh, hey Minx. Long time no see, I suppose.” Will finally said, which caught Minx’s attention. She shot him a look of confusion and surprise, as the other didn’t even say hi to her whenever they hung out with Schlatt.

“Oh, hey Wilbur. Whatcha doing here of all places? Thought we weren’t friends.”

“Mmh, wanted to skip class and didn’t know what to do so I decided to come here and bother you. You’re the only person I know in this school anyway.” 

“Alright, do what you want loverboy, I don’t care. Just, don’t stare at me, it’s weird.”  
  
“I’m not staring, shitface.”

“Suuuuure.”

After that, Minx went back to smoking her joint. She had done this for about a year now, growing used to the burning feeling and smoke in her lungs. Will, on the other hand, hadn’t ever tried doing something like this. The closest he’s ever been to doing something similar was when he decided to drink some alcohol two years ago. He was at a party of some sorts which Phil took him and his brother to. The adults didn’t really pay attention to the drinks, so when Will was curious about what the drinks were, he was hit with an unpleasant and burning feeling at first. It did taste a bit good though, so he beared through it. He never realised it was alcohol until last year when he told Minx and Schlatt about the story and they told him that instead of some juice, it was alcohol. It surprised Will, but it didn’t even bother him that much. That shows how little anyone cared about him. 

Will looked at the joint Minx had, and finally asked the question he didn’t dare to ask before.

“Could I smoke with you?”

The question made the other go wide eyed with surprise, but then she told Will to sit down with her onto the concrete so he knew what he was doing. She didn’t want the kid to hack up his lungs right away, but it would be funny. She told him that he shouldn’t do it too fast, as the smoke will get into his lungs a tad bit too fast. He should only hold the smoke in for about a second or two before breathing out. Will understood and after about two to three attempts, he got the hang of it. Not even a few minutes later, he and Minx were just zooted. Neither never expected to enjoy each other’s company, but here they were, having the time of their fuckin’ lives. 

They just hung out, for about an hour or two, sharing stories and having a blast. Their time did have to come to an end though, since by the end of the hangout sesh, both had pretty much skipped school for the whole day and decided to go home, both their own separate ways. Minx gave Will her phone number, so that if he ever wanted to hang out again, they could. Just like they used to, without Schlatt this time. Will waved goodbye and started to walk home, not caring that he just missed the school day. When he got home, he had the whole house to himself, well, for at least about an hour minimum. He wasn’t sure if Tommy was coming home alone or if Phil was picking him up. So with the time he had left, he took a shower, to get rid of the smell of weed. After that, all he did was just wander around the home. His mind was clearing from the high, so he didn’t exactly know what to do. 

He looked around the house, seeing if he could preoccupy himself with an activity of sorts. But that came to a dead end. He hated having nothing to do, it felt like time was going slower and that nothing exactly...existed. The feeling was gnawing away at him, slowly, bit by bit. It felt horrible, knowing he can’t even do anything about it. All he could do was sit in the living room, on the floor, rocking back and forth. He tried to remind himself that he was real, everything around him was. Nothing bad was happening, it was all fine. Nobody was going to hurt him, he was going to hurt himself. He was fine. He was happy. Happy happy happy happy _happy happy happ-_

“WILBUR!” Tommy yelled, making Will snap back into reality. Tommy had been yelling Will’s name for about a minute now. 

“Thank god you’re okay, did something happen? You haven’t had an...episode? Like this in years now…”

“‘M fine. Nothing happened.”

Will mumbled that, and got up to go to his room, still shaking. He didn’t want to be around others right now, especially not Tommy. The kid got worried easily, over the smallest things.

“I’m always here for you, you do know that, right?”

“Yeah, whatever.”

Wilbur rushed up the stairs and went to his room, immediately curling up in his bed, trying to forget what had just happened. Tommy was right, he hadn’t had an episode like this in ages. And he was glad he didn’t, up until now. It felt fucking awful. He just wished it’d stop. He hated seeing the worry in his younger brother’s eyes, whenever he was having the derealization episodes. He just wished it’d all stop, and calm down for once. Then maybe, it’d be easier for everyone. Maybe then he wouldn’t have to resort to such harmful coping mechanisms.

Tommy, on the other hand, knew Wilbur wasn’t okay and that something had happened that triggered another episode. But he didn’t want to bother the other, seeing how he reacted. Instead, he called Tubbo and asked if he wanted to come over, the other saying sure and riding his bike over. Tommy would’ve gone to Tubbo’s place, but he didn’t want to leave Wilbur all alone in the house again, seeing how he was before. And so he waited for Tubbo to arrive. After not that long, he heard a knock on the door, signaling that Tubbo had arrived.

“Hey man! We just saw each other like an hour ago at school, but it’s good to see you again!”  
  
“Yeah yeah, just get inside already, it isn’t the summer.”   
  
Tommy let the kid inside, and then they both just went to his room to play games. It would’ve been fully fun, if Tommy wasn’t worried about Wilbur possibly doing something to himself which would be worse than what he saw right now. He knew Will was impulsive, but it always shone through horribly. Very very horribly. 

“Hey, Tubbo?”

“Yeah, what’s up?”

“Can I talk to you about...Wilbur?”

“Of course, I’m all ears, even for the worst of problems!”

“When I got home he had another one of his...derealization episodes. It’s been years since the last one though, so now I’m worried something influenced it. Everything that could’ve triggered the episode, didn’t really come to my mind, but I could tell this was different from the last one. He seemed fully out of it, like he wasn’t himself. I’m just worried that something has happened recently…”

“You ever considered directly asking him how he’s felt recently?

“No… not really. Will’s not one to express his emotions, especially not with others.”

“Honestly, I think you should leave him be then, unless it does seem like he’s fully in danger. Bothering someone, especially about their own mental health can usually go moreover worse than well. Just weigh your options here, alright?” 

“Hm, okay…”

And with that, they resumed playing. Tommy was still deep in thought, though. He didn’t want to pry into Will’s life, but after seeing the episode and how shaky and panicky Will felt afterwards, that made him worry. And when he was worried, the feeling usually didn’t leave. It stayed there, until the problem got solved, which was the shittiest feeling yet. What if he can’t help Will? What if one day he’s a second too late? What if the day he sees Will get dropped off to school, it’ll be the last day he’ll see Will? The feeling chewed him up from the inside constantly, not leaving him alone.

When Tommy heard Phil had come home, he decided it was time to say goodbye to Tubbo yet again. The boys had been playing games and discussing random stories for about 2 and a half hours now, which was more than enough. And so he went downstairs with Tubbo and waved him goodbye. At least he had some fun, right? He wasn’t _that_ worried about Will, right..?

-

It was about three weeks since Will and Minx started to hang out more, smoking and drinking together, talking about life and having fun. It honestly seemed like paradise, even if Will felt shitty after not being able to smoke. The two shared many stories to one another, some being hilarious, others being incredibly depressing.

It was a Thursday afternoon, Will and Minx were once again on the pavement, sitting and smoking. Will had brought up Schlatt for the first time in any of their conversations, and Minx winced at the sound of his name. Neither liked him very much, but his name had a ring to it that you could never forget, and it felt hollowing sometimes. Minx sighed, and started to speak about how she and Schlatt lost contact.

“It was like, five months ago? Mid-May or something of the sort, and we got into a simple argument. Nothing too explosive, nothing a little apologizing and improving couldn’t fix. But Schlatt made it clear he didn’t want to associate with me anymore. He started yapping and yapping about how I was a ‘shitty friend’ and that I was a ‘good for nothing piece of shit’. Let me remind you, this all started over me wanting to hang out with one of my other friends for once. The fucker hated the idea of that and lashed out on me. I realised that this would just get worse if I stayed friends with him, and so I cut him off. I haven’t heard from him since.”

“Huh, so similar to my falling out with him. Except he told me that I prioritized my grades over him, and that I was going to regret ever cutting him off. The thing that stung the most though, was him telling me that I deserve nobody to talk with, after how I acted with him. The fuckin’ sentence still rings in my head to this day.”

“Jeez dude, sorry about that. Guess we both at least got rid of someone toxic, dunno what he’s doing now. Probably drinking his problems away, as per usual.”

Will and Minx laughed at that, and realised how close they’d gotten in the past few weeks. It really was fun just having a friend to hang out and be stupid with. Even if Minx was different from him personality wise, they clicked in a way nobody could figure out. For once, Will felt...happy? Happiness was a feeling he hadn’t felt in months now. He was glad he could feel the warmth again, he was glad he wouldn’t have to possibly worry about it all anymore. 

Phil told Tommy that Wilbur would have to walk him home, as it was getting darker more earlier nowadays. Tommy told his dad that he’d be fine, but Phil insisted, saying that it’s safer than walking home in the dark alone. And so Tommy listened to him. Right after his classes ended, he started walking to Will’s school. It was about a kilometer or two away from his school, so it took him a little while to get there, but when he did, he took a break at the end of the pavement that led to the school entrance. He raised his head up and saw Will hanging out with Minx, again. He didn’t hate that Will was happy, having a friend for once. He hated that she encouraged Will to smoke and drink. He knew it was bad for Will, especially considering how when he’s without them, he seems so much more unwell than more.

He sighed, and started to walk toward Will. His step wasn’t that fast, but it was faster than usual.

“Hey Will, you promised to walk me home, right?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. I mean, can’t you wait a little longer, I’m in the middle of talkin’ with my friend.”

“But it’s already getting dark…You know how Phil gets when you bring me home late..”

“Just go on your own, you’ll be fine. Who will jump you during a time like this anyway? Some trick or treater? Grow up.”

_Why is he acting like a dick now? I just asked him what Phil wanted him to do. Does he want his younger brother to be in danger? Sure, he wasn’t TERRIFIED walking home alone, it’s just the fact Phil wanted Tommy and Wilbur to come home together. If Phil saw that Tommy came home all alone, he was pretty sure Will would be in trouble and he didn’t want that._

“Wilby, please. Phil wanted you to take me home, I don’t mind going home alone, it’s just that I don’t want you to get in trouble..”

“Geez, first off, stop calling me that nickname. It’s so childish. Second off, who cares if I get in trouble? I’m used to it. It wouldn’t matter.”

“Wil-”

“Just shut up and go home, Tommy.”

The tone Will said it in sounded so angry. So frustrated. It was like his childhood all over again. How he got angrily scolded for being too clingy. How he got scolded for being scared of simple things like the dark and insects. He thought Will would at least be willing to go home with him. Didn’t the older care about him? Love him? Think of him as family? Did the older really just give up on him now, of all times? Those words stung as Tommy decided to start walking home, the dusk sky turning into night quickly. 

When he got home, Phil noticed how Will wasn’t with him, and all he said was that “Will wasn’t at the school, he thought he had come home early”. He didn’t want to say the truth. It would sting even worse. So much worse. At least Techno didn’t fake his feelings unlike Will. At least Techno showed Tommy praise, even if it wasn’t that often. At least Techno hung out with Tommy, when Tubbo couldn’t come over. Sure, Techno was a lot more different than him, but if it meant for him to have someone to hang out with and even consider family, he was more than happy to spend time with him.

Will used to be like that, but then Minx happened. Then he had to start smoking and drinking. Then he had to start ditching school and familial activities. Then he started to become someone Tommy didn’t recognize. The Wilbur he knew was happy to spend time with him, not go out and get zooted with some random girl. It all didn’t add up to Tommy. What happened that Will changed like this? What fucking happened?

Will and Minx parted ways around 6PM, a lot later than he expected, but hey, at least it wasn’t 9PM. He started to walk home, cars passing by him like lightning. The lights made his eyes hurt, but he dealt with it. As long as he got home, he didn’t care what happened on the way. But of course, the high was wearing off, as he and Minx stopped the smoking two hours before they parted ways. And when the high wears off, Will starts to overthink. He starts to think of what horrible things ~~he’s done~~ he could do.

He didn’t really care that he hurt Tommy. He didn’t care who got hurt because of him. It wouldn't have mattered anyway. He will die sooner or later for everyone’s benefit. 

Walking on the pavement, right next to a street full of passing cars, was the biggest mistake he made. He resisted the urge of jumping into the street, in hopes of dying. He resisted and resisted. Until he got home.

“Wilbur.”

That was the first thing he heard when he got inside the house. It was just Phil, neither Tommy or Techno were there. It worried him, but not that much. 

“Where were you, that you couldn’t take Tommy home after school.”

“I forgot, sorry.”

“Sorry doesn’t cover it, Will. He could’ve gotten hurt in the darkness all alone! Do you not worry for your own _brother’s_ health?”

“Eh, kid could’ve taken care of himself anyway. He isn’t a baby.”

“I- Will, are you being serious? Just because you’re older than him and do what you want, doesn’t mean you can act the same way toward your younger brother.”

“He told you himself that he could go home alone today, did he not?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i will see if im gonna continue this more, but ill leave it as it is for now.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will has a nightmare and loses a friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! i've decided to update this fic on occasion, as i do like the idea. though, keep in mind, that i might not update it as much as i'd like to. it's a fic with heavy topics and most are related to my own life, so i wouldn't want to...stress myself out?  
> it's just a fic which i empty my thoughts with, while also creating a story i actually like. it's all fiction in the end.
> 
> tw for dereality , talk of weed / alcohol , description of depressive thoughts.

Right after he had gotten home and had a small ‘argument’ with Phil, he was forced to take Tommy home from school till February. Honestly, the guy could’ve been a bit more lenient with the timespan, since it was about three months he had to do that. Three fucking months. I mean, sure, he knew he had to get some kind of punishment or whatever, but three months? Tommy isn’t a toddler that he has to be brought home constantly, he can take care of himself. He sighed as he entered his room, frustrated that the first interaction at home had to be _that_ of all things. 

He flopped onto his bed, checking the time on his phone. It was 6PM, soon 7PM. He wondered if he should sleep or stay awake, strumming his guitar or something. He hadn’t touched the thing for a few weeks now, since his passion for it was fading. It didn’t mean he absolutely didn’t want to play guitar anymore, he just didn’t feel motivated enough to even make up a tune and play something, whether it was one of his songs or some song he liked. He used to constantly play it, being proud of the stuff he achieved at such a young age. Now it just makes him feel tired. He wasn’t going to bother playing it now though, since he felt more tired and fell asleep.

When he 'woke up' he wasn't in his room, instead in the middle of a field. It was just an ordinary, plain field with no trees or many flowers. The only flowers that were there, were Orange Lilies. Will didn't understand why the field was only filled with them, and not other flowers, like Daisies or Cornflowers. The flower made him feel a bit uneasy, yet he didn't know why. Regardless, he stood up, to look around the field. There wasn't anything significant here, so why was he here? Was he supposed to figure it out like some sort of puzzle? It confused him. 

He wandered around, letting the smell of Lilies relax him. He was never one to like flowers, especially not search up their meanings and use them as gifts. He thought that there was nothing in the field, until he heard a familiar hum. A tune he knew, that nobody else did. He closed his eyes, as he followed the voice, it getting louder and louder as he neared it. Eventually, he got to it, and opened his eyes. It was Schlatt, well, a memory of him. It was a good memory. The tune he hummed, was one of Will’s songs. One of the songs he only shared with his friend. His only friend. 

He sat next to Schlatt, not disturbing him. All he was doing was humming the same tune, over and over. It was probably tiring to hear the same thing for the 5th or 30th time, but Will never got tired of it. Sure, he wrote the song, but his friend’s humming made it sound more calming. More relaxed. The tune was a simple one, nothing any ordinary kid wouldn't be able to do. He started to hum along with his friend, the other still not noticing him. It weirded him out that the other didn’t acknowledge him even when he was humming, but he assumed he was deep in thought. Really, really deep in thought. 

The two were there, closed eyes, humming the simple tune. It felt like this moment could last forever, which Will wanted. It was so calming, he didn’t want to leave it behind. Never, in his life, has he wanted to stay in such a place before. The smell of the Lilies made the relaxing sensation better. It just felt...too good to be true. But all good things have to come to an end sooner or later.

Will opened his eyes again, and looked to his side. He didn’t see his friend sitting there anymore, he didn’t hear the familiar tune, he had lost him yet again. He started frantically searching around, where he could’ve gone, but he was nowhere to be found in the field of now-dead Lilies. The sight made his stomach drop, as he now realised where he was. He was in the field where he and Schlatt last hung out, before the fight. He was in the one place he missed so much, yet could never visit again. The feeling made him feel sick. So horribly sick.

He woke up, shaking. It was all a...dream? No. A nightmare. He couldn’t stop shaking, he didn’t believe he had woken up. How could he just ‘wake up’ from something like that? How? It all felt real. Awfully real. He could still smell the Lilies, like he was in the field. He could still hear a muffled hum, of a tune he loved. He could still feel the presence of a friend, right by his side. He started looking around his room, not believing it was real. The dark void he was in, felt suffocating. He wanted to go back to the good memory, he wanted to be calm and happy again, he wanted to be with his _friend_ again. But no, instead he was in his messy room, full of things he hated. Full of things that didn’t matter to him. Full of things that made him sick to his stomach.

He looked for his phone, hoping he could at least message Minx about this. He didn’t care about fully talking the way he’s feeling right now, he just needed a way to calm down and distract himself from the shitty feelings. If he could just talk with his only friend, it’d be okay. All of it would be okay.

_Hey minx, im not feeling well rn so could we just talk_

_oh sure, wanna ft? its easier that way_

_Yeah thats fine_

Right after his response, Minx was ringing him. He was still shaking and unsure about calling, but accepted it anyway. Minx could tell Will wasn’t feeling the best, showing how his movements and expression was shaky and fearful.

“Dude, is everything alright? You seem terrified, something happen?” 

“I-It’s okay.”

“Sure doesn’t seem like it. You’re shaking and looking around your room as if someone were there, do you need me to come over?”

Minx doesn’t get a response.

“Wilbur?”

She saw how Will wasn’t paying attention to the call, moreover looking into the darkness of his room and seemingly terrified of something,  _ someone _ . She sighed, as she put on some warmer clothes and snuck out her window, grabbing her bike and starting to rush to Will’s place. She knew where he lived, solely because they sometimes hung out together when nobody was at home. She still had her earphones in and was in the call, just in case something happened before she got there. It took her about 6 minutes, but she was there, in front of Will’s house.

“I’m here, in front of your house. Where’s your room?”

“Wh- Huh? Why are you here?”

“I can see how you aren’t well, if you won’t respond to me through a call, I’ll come over. Now tell me where your room is so I can get in.”

“It’s around the back, second floor. How are you gonna get up here though?”

“I have my ways.”

She went to the back of the house, and analyzed the way she could get to Will’s room. She was used to climbing up buildings, but one look around the backyard and you found a goddamn rope just out and about. That could help her, so she took it, and told Will to open his window. He did so, still confused how she’d get in. She tied the rope around her waist and threw the rest through Will’s window. Will saw that, and held the end of the rope. She just simply climbed up the wall, quietly as possible, and was in Will’s room pretty fast. 

She took a look around his room, and realised how horrible it looked. She hadn’t been over in a week or so, but it looked like he just rummaged through everything in his room and threw it wherever he wanted to. She usually didn’t mind messy rooms, because she’s been there. Unable to focus on cleaning and shit. But seeing this kind of room along with how he acted in the call made something click. Will was  _ really _ fucking unwell mentally, and all she was doing was encouraging him to smoke and drink.

“Wilbur, what the hell?”

“W-What..?”

“Your room is a mess, you seem constantly paranoid, you barely respond to me, you do realise how fucking unwell you are? I’m not mad at you Will, I’m far from that, but fucking hell, why didn’t you say anything. I was encouraging you to drink and smoke. Sure, they seem like a good escape, but using it like this, to escape from reality and make yourself think you’re fine, is wrong. So fucking wrong. Why didn’t you tell me anything about this..?”

“I-I…”

“I’m sorry, Minx.”

“Look. I’m making this as clear and simple as possible. I  _ won’t _ encourage you to drink or smoke anymore. I’m not gonna let you just ruin your life further with drugs and depressants. You seriously need professional help, I’m begging you to just find someone to talk to and get help from. It’ll help, just trust me. But for as long as you’re in this state, I can’t help you in any way possible.”

“Bye, Will.”

As she said that, she went back out the window and biked home, more worried than before. She hated that she didn’t pick up on the obvious signs. But she really hoped that her words made Will realise how he needs to talk to someone about this. It isn’t something simple that drugs can help you forget about. It’s a vicious cycle that hurts you in the worst ways possible. She’s been there, multiple times. She knew how Will felt. 

She got home, and sighed as she put her bike away and climbed back into her room. She went back to bed, just staring at the ceiling. What was she supposed to do now? She could stay friends with Will, but the problem with it is that he’d most likely guilt-trip her into giving him a joint again, just so he can ‘forget about his problems’. It all seemed like a mess, a big, big mess. She didn’t want to get tangled up in it, so she just ended up sleeping, unsure as to what to do. 

Tommy was awake too, he heard Minx get into the house and listened to her and Will talk. He was now just sitting behind Will’s door, thinking, if he should go inside or not. He didn’t want to bother the older, fearing he’ll be angry at him again, but at the same time he wanted Will to be okay, to have someone to talk to. He just cares about his brother a lot, even if the other does the total opposite nowadays. He sighed, as he got up and knocked on his door. He was scared of hearing sudden yelling, he didn’t want to get even more worried.

Will perked up at the sudden knock. He was scared that it was Phil, ready to scold him for hearing someone enter and leave the house. He reluctantly got up and walked to his door, considering if he even should open it. 

_ It’ll be fine Will. It’s nothing. Nothing bad will happen. You’re going to be fine. All fine and happy. Just as if you were in the field again. _

He opened the door, and instead of expecting a scolding from his father, he saw Tommy with worry in his eyes.

“Uh, can I come in?”

“S-Sure.”

Will moved out of the way to let the other in, who sat on the foot of his bed, waiting to say something. He had a habit of picking at the skin of his hands when he was worried, and he was doing exactly that. He just sat there, nervous to talk to the older. He didn’t want to mess up like he did earlier that day, it made him just relive old memories he  _ hated _ thoroughly. Will sat next to him, just looking in the void of his room. He wasn’t going to pester the younger about why he came here. Maybe he had a nightmare like he did, maybe he just wanted company, maybe he wanted comfort. He didn’t know.

“Uh, I heard talking from here...I got worried that something happened.”

“Oh. It’s fine, don’t worry about it. Is that the thing worrying you?”

“This isn’t about me right now. I can tell something’s wrong, Will! You’ve never acted like this and when I heard the talk about your drinking and smoking habits I just couldn’t go back to bed and act like nothing happened. I care about you Will, I want you to be honest with your feelings, even if it’s just this once! I want you to know that I’m always here for you, that I want you to get healthier again. I miss our fun times together...I miss the times we used to just mess around at the park or go ice skating and you helped me regain my balance. I miss those times, Will. But now all you’ve done is hang out with Minx and just ignore everything. You’re ignoring the help we all want you to get. It isn’t out of malice, we just want you to be healthy and happy. Please, Will, I care. I’ve always cared.”

All those words took Will to process a minute. He understood what Tommy said, it’s just the meaning behind those words. How did he know the kid actually meant what he said? He never checked up on others, except for him and Tubbo. But that could just be a lie, he couldn’t possibly care THAT much about his older brother, definitely not. It’s just not that believable. He’s just a young teen, what could he know about caring and helping? Right? Right…?

“I-I’m glad that you care Tommy, but it isn’t as easy as you may think. Just, let me sort this out on my own, okay? You shouldn’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. I promise.”

“If you say so, Will..”

Tommy got up and walked out of Will’s room and back to his own. He knew Will wasn’t going to be fine, but why did he not do anything about that? Why did he just leave him alone, yet again? Why does he always assume that it’s a problem solved if he dumps out how he wants others to get help and they just lie about getting the help they need. Why does he always just let this slide. Was it ignorance? Was it care? He didn’t know. He was stumped, with his own pestering thoughts. What could he do to even help others…? He was just fourteen, you can’t do anything major with someone's life at that age. All you can do is say it’ll be okay and go on with your day. 

He slowly went to his bed and fell asleep, still worried as hell. He just hopes that Will won’t get any more harmful habits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i might keep this to 6-7 chapters, it may change in the future though.
> 
> also apologies if this chapter seemed moreover rushed and awful, i had fun writing most of it but some parts just...i had no ideas for and tried to make myself write something fitting 
> 
> once again, i hope you enjoyed this ^^! drink some water if you need to.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will contacts an old friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for mentions of substance use (alcohol , weed) , dereality , description of depressive(?) thoughts (it's mainly just being unsure and such, but some moments can be seen as more..severe?)

Will wasn’t in the best state, especially not now. His teachers were getting ‘concerned’ over his dropping grades, he had nobody to consider a friend and the only stress reliever he had was harming himself, mentally or physically. He rolled over in his bed, facing the ceiling. He didn’t want to get up, go out, do anything. He wanted to feel free again, he wanted to be back in that field. He wanted Schlatt back. Maybe then, he’d be happy. Feel the warmth in his chest as he talked with his friend about whatever they were passionate about. Hang out with him as they went to the park and messed around. Have no care in the world. 

He sat up and grabbed his phone from the bedside table. He went to his contacts to find Schlatt’s number still there, saved. He hovered his thumb over the call button, hesitant to click it. What if it was a bad idea? What if it’ll make him feel worse? What if he gets yelled at again? All those thoughts were scaring him, hurting him. He knew Schlatt wasn’t a bad guy, he just had occasional outbursts due to his own family life. The guy was fine, he was friendly and helped Will out the most when he needed help or someone to hand out with. He was the one friend Will thought was amazing, wonderful, caring, lovely. He missed him, since he was the only one Will was happy to hang out with. They were inseparable. 

He sighed, and clicked the call button, raising his phone up to his ear and hearing the dial tone. It rang for a bit, until the other picked up, which surprised Will.

“The fuck you want, Wi- loverboy?”

“Just missed you, is all.”

“Yeah right. We aren’t friends anymore, why would you fuckin’ miss me.”

Will bit his lip, a bit nervous as to explain why he missed the guy. He just wanted a friend, someone to talk with. But telling him that would just be plain childish. He’d make himself look like a fool. 

“Uh- I just-“

“You what? Spit it out.”

“I wanted to be your friend again, I miss hanging out with you. I miss being stupid with you. I miss you so fucking much it hurts, Schlatt.”

Oh. _Oh._ So Will felt the same Schlatt did. That’s what clicked in his head. He always missed Will, ever since the day they fell apart. Will was the one person keeping him happy, lively, himself. He didn’t know how badly he messed up, until he saw Will’s reaction. He never knew when he did something wrong, so he always fucked up awfully. Everyone hated him for that. They despised him for it. 

“Oh. I-I uh, missed you too, actually. I always have, for months now..”

“What? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I messed up and thought you hated me and didn’t want to talk with me again, like Minx.”

“Ah, I see. I mean, yeah, your words _stung_ and still haven’t left my mind to this day. But I never exactly hated you, per-se. Moreover was hurt and needed time for myself, but you never contacted me after it happened, so I assumed that was it for our friendship.”

“O-Oh… I’m… I’m sorry about that. I mean it.”

“It’s fine, I’ve gotten over the main reason it happened.”

“Okay.. Anyways, do you want to… hang out like we used to..?”

“Of course.”

And with that, Will ended the call and started heading to Schlatt’s place. He had a faster step than usual, since he really wanted to see his friend again. He wanted to hug him, mess around with him, look at the stars with him, _be in the field again_. 

He got to Schlatt’s house in about ten minutes, trying to catch his breath a bit as he wasn’t used to walking that fast again. He steadied his breathing, and knocked on the door nervously. He didn’t get a response for almost a minute, but then the door opened. He was greeted with the appearance of his old friend, the one who always was smiling, was cheerful, was happy. But now, he was greeted with the total opposite appearance wise, which hurt him a bit. Guess they both were in a rough spot.

“Hey Schlatt, long time no see, right?”

“Y-Yeah, long time no see…”

There was an awkward silence between the two, before Schlatt motioned for Will to get in his home. He could feel the faint smell of alcohol, but he didn’t pay much attention to it. Instead, he just looked around the living room. It was a bit messy, but generally well-kept. Maybe he could even sleep on the couch, if he was planning on staying awhile.

“Uh, you wanna do something then?”

“Sure. What do you have in mind, though?”

“I mean we could either go to my room and talk about stuff or just watch something on the TV and maybe play something too. I don’t have anything other than those ideas, though, sorry..”

“It’s fine, don’t worry. Maybe we can just sit here and watch something?”

“Y-Yeah! You can choose what we watch, my taste sucks.”

“Does not.”

“Wilby- Wilbur, it sucks and you know it.”

Just as he ended his sentence, they both started to walk to the couch. Both sat down, and didn’t do anything. Will didn’t want to actually watch anything. Schlatt didn’t want to just spend time doing nothing. Both didn’t want to do anything, but how else were they supposed to spend time together? Just talking? They didn’t have anything to even talk about.

“Schlatt.”

“Yeah..?”

“Can we just, talk? I don’t care what it’s about, I just...want to talk.”

“S-Sure. Uh… What have you been up to lately?”

“Unsurprisingly nothing. I would be playing my guitar or something, but nah. Instead I feel unmotivated to do anything and sleep all day and night.”

“Why’s that? Did something happen..?”

“Yeah, a new brother happened. Dad got some foster kid named Techno and now all he’s doing is paying attention to how well he is doing and doesn’t even acknowledge my existence most days.”

“I’m sorry to hear that… It really must suck, since you always have tried your best and made people smile.”

“Pff- You’re the one person I’ve talked to in weeks, so seeing how you're the only one I’ve made smile in that time span, I guess it’s true. I did think Minx was my friend, but she left me all alone after introducing me to smoking and drinking. I used it as a coping mechanism, and she hated that, so she said she won’t encourage me any further unless I get the help I need. She left me alone at that, and ever since then I haven’t felt the best. Talking with you has helped now, though.”

Hearing all that, made Schlatt feel many mixed emotions. He was worried, hearing how Will was pretty much going down the spiral he was. He was mad, that Minx didn’t help Will any further. He was happy, that Will was happy right now. He didn’t know how to react, how to respond. He was never the best with support, all he could do was show that he was sorry and that the person he was talking with, was wonderful. He wasn’t never one to seek comfort from, since it’d just make the other person feel like shit since his support wasn’t enough. 

Will could see the other struggling to respond though, he remembered how Schlatt was like with these kinds of situations. And so, he reassured him.

“Schlatt, it’s fine, you don’t have to respond to that. It’s my own problem in the end, I shouldn’t have dumped all that on you. Being with you has made me cheer up anyway, so please don’t worry. Alright?”

“O-Okay. I...I’m glad that I’ve made you feel better though.”

“Yeah, just don’t overthink it like you usually do, I hate seeing you get worried and assume everything is worse than it actually is. I know you’re probably still...weirded out? About me being here and talking with you, but it’s fine, trust me. _You’re_ alright. Nothing is wrong.”

“Ah, thank you, I think? I’m still unsure on how to respond to those kinds of things but it makes me feel happy.”

“That’s good.”

They sat in silence after that. Schlatt tried to calm himself down more, so as to not lash out again. Will was just thinking, he wanted to do so much with the guy but he didn’t know where to start. Could they just hang out all day in his home, do they go to the park, do they go to the field, do they do nothing and let time take its course? He sighed and looked at his surroundings. The living room was messy, but with snacks and such. Guess the guy didn’t really have a set place to eat or do anything at. He knew Schlatt generally was a messy guy, but he always cleaned up afterwards to make himself have something to do. Now it just seemed like he had let himself go, gone down a path he didn’t want to go down. 

“Hey, Schlatt.”

“Huh?”

“You wanna go back to the field? The one, where we made flower crowns for each other?”

“Sure, I still enjoy going there so it’ll be nice going with you again.”

That warmed Will’s heart a bit, hearing how it’ll be nice to go back to the field again. It was autumn, nearing winter, but that didn’t stop them. It was the feeling that counted, not the weather or amount of flowers in the field. If they were together, with one another, nothing else mattered. All they needed was each other and their happiness. That was all they needed, to feel fine.

And so the two got up, both getting ready to go outside. Schlatt told Will he can go a bit ahead if he wanted to, as he had to get something before they went. Will went outside to wait, adjusting to the cold again. It wasn’t that cold, just a bit chilly, he was used to much worse weather conditions. Schlatt was pretty much prepared to go, but then he went upstairs to his room, to get one last thing. The one thing he always took with him wherever he went. A small cat charm he got for his 15th birthday. It made him feel safe and happy, since Will got it for him and constantly teased him for his constant love of cats. He even got called a ‘catboy’, but honestly, it just made him laugh rather than feel hurt. He put the charm in his pocket, and went back down the stairs, meeting Will outside of his door.

The two walked a while to the field, since it was pretty far out from the town they lived in. The air was chilly but they dealt with it, knowing that in the end, they’d get to spend time together, like they used to. Maybe they could even have genuine fun again. Who knows, though. If Will somehow drove Minx away, maybe it’ll happen with Schlatt as well. Then again, he should appreciate the fact he was still even able to contact the guy again.

They walked for about 30-40 minutes, until they were there. At the field, the one place both of the boys loved. Being together again, at this place, just made them feel ecstatic. Will ran into the field first, enjoying the tall grass. He turned around to face Schlatt and just laughed gleefully. Will had the same warm feeling in his chest like he did months ago, in this exact same place. He let himself loose, and fell backwards into the grass, sighing from happiness. Schlatt finally walked into the grass as well, and looked at the other who had closed his eyes and was smiling. He joined the other on the ground, relaxing himself in it. The sky was slowly but surely turning darker and darker, as the stars slowly crept into their line of sight. It was beautiful, neither wanted to let go of this feeling, ever.

“You know, the stars remind me of you, Will.”

“Oh, do they? I thought I reminded you of the Northern Lights instead, how they flow in the sky and change colors, just like my music apparently.”

“Ok, you remind me of _many_ things then, Will. Just let me compliment you in a way that isn’t my typical rambling.”

“Pff- Alright, alright.”

“Thank you. Anyways, the stars shine bright and make little constellations, which reminds me of your music making process. You always get a few set words, and then connect them with meanings and more words, until you have a song. They always have such a nice and calm flow to them, that I can’t help but enjoy. They make me happy, Will. Really, really happy.”

Hearing those words made Will get a small, warm smile on his face. It made him glad to know that his songs, his tunes, made his friend happy. He never really thought much of the songs he sung, but knowing that it made others happy just might’ve made him willing to write some more songs. Maybe he can make Schlatt happier, maybe he can go back to being happy himself, maybe he won’t feel like a burden to everyone. 

Suddenly, Will heard a familiar jingle. A jingle of a charm that only he knew. 

“Schlatt, did you bring your cat charm with you?”

“Ah- How did you know?”

“I can hear the jingle of it, it’s really easy to hear and I remember the same jingle when I first got you it.”

“I see. Well, yeah, of course I took it with me. It’s the one thing I’ve barely let go of, c’mon.”

“Awww, did Schwatt mwiss mwe that muwch?”

“Hey, stop doing that little ‘uwu’ tone voice. I already told you I missed you hours ago on our phone call, and besides, this charm is neat so shut up.”

“Phahah! Okay, okay, I’ll leave the charm alone. But still, I’m surprised you held onto it after over a year.”  
  


After they both had a small chuckle over that, they just looked at the starry sky. It was nice to stargaze with your friend. Best friend, even. The stars were relaxing, and they both felt happy for once. Just like they did, months ago. It felt like this moment could last for hours, days, weeks even. It just felt neverending, in a good way for once. They could maybe even sleep here, by one another, without any worries. But of course that was a stupid idea, anyone could walk by and just steal their things, so Will told Schlatt they should start heading home soon.

“Also, before we enter my home again, are you staying over Will?”

“Yeah, sure. I’d rather be with a friend than lonely.”

“Alright, but you’re sleeping on the couch.”

“Fine by me, catboy”

“You- Agh, whatever.”

They had a bit of small talk before Schlatt went upstairs to get some spare clothes for Will, so the other could sleep comfortably. He took a bit, but was back fairly fast. He put the clothes on the couch and said that he can sleep whenever he wants. He said goodnight and was about to go up the stairs when he was stopped by Will.

Will was hugging Schlatt from behind, holding him closer than before. He didn’t want to see the other leave yet, even if they were in the same building. Being in his presence just made Will happy, he wanted to always feel happy, no matter what. He held him, refusing to let go.

“Will, let go, I’m tired.”

“No.”

“C’mon big guy, I’m still in the same house as you. If you feel unwell, you can just knock on my room door and I’ll listen and help you.”

“What if that’s a lie.”

“I wouldn’t lie to you.”

“...”

“Fine, I’ll let go.”

Schlatt let out a small chuckle, as he patted Will’s shoulder. He was always there for the other, he was pretty sure he made it clear enough for him. 

“Goodnight, Will.”

“G’night, Schlatt.”

Will waited as Schlatt went up the stairs. He _knew_ the other was in the same house as him, but what if it was all something made up by his mind? What if it was just a part of his fucked up imagination. What if the Schlatt he hung out with today, wasn’t real at all?

He sighed, as he walked to the couch, and laid on his back for a bit. He wasn’t doing anything, just staring at the ceiling. He felt his eyes get heavy, but his mind was still alive with worry and fear. He just hoped that when he woke up, it’d be fine. It would all be alright, no problems here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi ^^ i hope you enjoyed reading this chapter ! this was mainly based off of personal experience, so it was a bit rough writing this 
> 
> as always, i love hearing feedback, so feel free to leave any !


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes brothers have fights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for description of violence and blood.

Will woke up, it was around noon. He heard some clanging from the kitchen across the room, so he sat up to wake himself up more before checking what was going on. He stood up, and turned to face the kitchen. There, he saw Schlatt, struggling to clean the dishes from weeks ago. The guy struggled with it, since he never exactly...cleaned his stuff. He just did what he had to do to make them look brand new, whether it was scraping off the food that got stuck on there or just flat out painting over them. Will always helped him with these kinds of things, since the guy was only good at cracking jokes and being absolutely random.

“You need help with that, big guy?”

“I am perfectly fine. Can’t you tell I’ve got this under control? Just go home Will, if you wanna stay here more often at least get more of your things before just crashing at my place.”

“I’m helping you with the dishes.”

Will completely disregarded what Schlatt said, and walked up to him. He grabbed one of the plates he was trying to scrape food off of, and cleaned it in an instant. It wasn’t that hard, but Schlatt never really understood how...soap worked with things other than his hands. Schlatt wasn’t stupid, he just never learnt the stuff he needed to know as a basic child. His parents weren’t around for most of the time, so Will befriended him and usually hung out with him and made him feel like a normal kid, not some kind of ‘monster’. He was always happy to help the guy, since he was the one friend he trusted most.

He finished washing the dishes as Schlatt just curiously watched. It wasn’t that fascinating to the usual person, but it was to him. He enjoyed seeing new things, even if he didn’t understand them. It fascinated him for some reason. It also helped him learn, well, a little. Even with visuals, he didn’t grasp the idea. Will didn’t mind helping, he was just worried how his friend was gonna do stuff like this in the future. Will still wasn’t sure if he was sticking around. Just because he has a friend again he trusts doesn’t mean life is suddenly all sparkles and rainbows. He was still struggling, with no help from anyone. He was alone in the end.

“I’m gonna go home for the day, if you want, we can still call later in the evening.”

“Alright, Will. See you whenever.”

“Mhm.”

Will grabbed his coat, put it on and waved goodbye to his friend. He dreaded going home, but he knew he couldn’t stay at Schlatt’s forever. He had to go home, always. It was still his safe space. 

He got to the front door, and stared at it for a second. Thoughts ran through his mind.

_What if Phil’s gonna scold me again? I don’t want to deal with that bullshit again. I really hope nobody’s home right now. I really hope so._

He shook his head, assuming things would be fine. It wasn’t like this was the first time he’s done something like this, he always hung out with his friends without telling his dad about it, and then arriving home the next day with no scolding or punishment. He unlocked the door,set his hand on the door handle, pushed it down, and opened it. He didn’t hear anything from the inside, which was a good sign. He set foot into the house, took off his coat and shoes, and started going upstairs.

“Will?”

_Shit, Tommy’s here._

Will turned around to see the younger at the bottom of the stairs, wearing a worried expression. He sighed and replied: “Hey Tommy, what is it?” 

“Where were you? I couldn’t find you in your room nor anywhere in the house.”

“I was at Schlatt’s. Needed some time alone, with a friend.”

“Oh.” Tommy paused for a bit, trying to shake off his worried expression, “I see.”

“Did you need me for something or..?”

That made Tommy flinch. The kid most likely _did_ want something, but he wasn’t one to usually ask things unless the person he was asking from, seemed well. And while Will did seem okay for once, Tommy was still nervous to ask anything from him. Even if the older had been taking him home for about two weeks now, Will didn’t socialize with him. They just walked, in the silence.

“Nope. I just wanted to know if you were okay, but you seem fine, so I’ll...leave you alone.” 

The kid went back to the living room, most likely to continue reading something. Will didn’t pay much mind to it, and continued up the stairs to his room. He opened the door, and sat on his bed. He didn’t have any plans for today, and since it was still early in the day, he could just sit in his room and pretty much stay there until tomorrow morning. He looked around to see what he could do, to pass the time, and noticed his guitar. It was untouched for about two months now. He got up and grabbed it, went back to his bed and just sat there, tuning it. He tried to think of what to play, he could choose one of his many songs or just a song he knew and loved. 

A familiar hum came back to him. A song he wrote. He tried to remember the exact melody, and started playing it. It was a song for a friend. He hummed along to the strums, feeling at peace. Even after a few months, he still had the talent he always had. It made him feel happy, knowing that he was good at one thing at least. He played and hummed for about two hours. It was the one thing he really got into when he was in the right mood. He did run out of songs to play, so he put the guitar back where he took it from. 

He didn’t know what to exactly do, he didn’t want to sleep, but what else could he exactly do? Schlatt was most likely busy at around this time, and he didn’t want to annoy the guy as much today. Tommy was still home, but he could hear him and Tubbo’s cackling from downstairs. He sure as hell wasn’t going to hang out with Techno. He hated him, and he was pretty sure the feeling was mutual. And he definitely wasn’t just going out to find some rando to talk with. So he sat on his bed, laying onto his back and closing his eyes.

He didn’t expect to fall asleep, yet he did. He slept until about 3AM, waking up fairly annoyed. He didn’t want to sleep, but his body did the opposite. Guess he had five hours before having to go to school. He could just attempt to sleep more, but he wasn’t tired at all, so it’d just be him waking up every 15 minutes. So he grabbed his phone, scrolling through the various apps he had. Nothing new was happening, so he didn’t have something to watch or play. Annoyed, he set the phone down next to him. What _could_ he do at such a time? Nobody was awake. 

He sat up on his bed, and looked around. He still hated the dark, but had gotten used to looking at the dark void in the corner of his room. He couldn’t find anything to do in his room, so he stretched a bit and let himself fall back onto his bed. Maybe Schlatt was awake? The guy’s sleep schedule was a mess anyway, so it couldn’t hurt to try. So he grabbed his phone, found Schlatt’s contact name and messaged him.

_Hey big guy, u up?_

He waited a bit, no response. He tried messaging him again, maybe he wasn’t near his phone right now.

_Helloooooo come here little catboy pspspsp_

_If you call me that one more time I’ll kill you._

_So you ARE awake, thats good :)_

_Yeah yeah, what do you want?_

_Just woke up like, jeez, 20 minutes ago already? but yeah im bored n wanna talk with someone so why not u_

_Dude it’s almost half past four in the MORNING._

_Ok and_

_Just go back to bed, sheesh._

_I slept for 12 hours only to get treated like this wtf dhmu going dark </3 _

_You fucking-_

_Fine. I’ll call you. Just don’t be a dickhead._

_:D!_

And with that, Wilbur was hearing a familiar ring from his phone. He saw the contact name, smiled and answered.

“Hey Schlatt!”

“Ugh, hey big guy.”

“Did something happen that you sound so groggy and frustrated?”

“Yeah, _you_ happened. Why the fuck do you sleep at such odd times?”

Hearing that from his tired friend just made him laugh. It was nice to hear his voice again, and to mess around with him. He knew Schlatt didn’t actually mind talking with him, he just wasn’t used to Wilbur’s random calls again. They decided to just discuss whatever came to their minds, whether it was something they liked or some random topic one had heard of from some dude passing by. It went on for hours until Will realised he had to leave for school. He said goodbye to his friend and wished him a nice sleep, before ending the call and grabbing his bag and waiting for the others to get ready. It was another day where Phil drove everyone to school.

Wilbur was a bit annoyed at the classes he had today, mainly because one of them was with Techno. He swore the guy was older than him by a _year_ , how the hell did they have a class together? Oh well, it didn’t matter now. Not until the end of the day, as his last class was with his ‘brother’. He never wanted to even consider calling him that. They’re not family. They’re not allies. They’re fucking enemies, and he knows it.

  
The whole day he was just thinking of what he should do, as today’s school day was the last before winter break. He should probably do something that would be memorable, good or bad. Maybe provoke Techno? The guy seemed _too_ calm, he wanted to see what he was like in reality. He hated him, but curiosity peaked in him as he waited for the final class to end. He knows exactly what he’s gonna do right after this. He knows the plan, and it’ll work out in his favor.

The class bell rang, and everyone got up, including Will. He waited for everyone to get out before him, as he knew Techno liked to be last. And he was right, behind him was the guy. He turned around and stopped the older.

“Hey Techno, how’ve ya been!”

He tried to seem cheerful, to throw him off even more when he pulls the shit he’s about to do.

“I’ve been alright… Why’re you so curious now..?”

_Jeez he seems so fucking boring, why does dad like him more than me._

“Oh, no reason! Just curious how my-” Will thought for a second, what to call Techno, “-brother has been!”

“Okay… I’ll go now if you don’t mi-”

“Hm, maybe this is why I dislike you.”

“What?”

  
  
“You ignore others Techno. You don’t pay attention to them! You just build up walls, and don’t let anyone in and for what? To not get ‘hurt’?”

“Will, what is this?”

“You’re a good-for-nothing! That’s why you’re still going from house to house in HIGHSCHOOL!”

Techno tried to ignore Wilbur, starting to walk ahead of him, but Will stopped him. He wanted to see how much worse he could do. He wanted to test his limits.

“You’re the family favourite! You get _all_ the praise from dad, and then think you’re the shit waltzing into our household! Don’t think I didn’t notice how I became the unknown middle kid! The one who is ignored constantly and then scolded for everything! You’re so high and mighty, it’s fucking stupi-”

Techno got frustrated. He didn’t lose his temper, since he pushed others away to not get close and ruin his mood too easily. But when people provoked him, he was quick to act on his feelings, without thought. He pulled Will up by his collar and pushed him against the wall roughly. Will’s expression went from surprise to a chuckling, innocent smile. 

“Wow! Didn’t expect _you_ to be a violent guy! You were supposed to be all classy and shit! Guess I hit your breaking point!”

“Shut the _fuck_ up, Will.”

“Oooh, using swears now are we? What’s next? You’re gonna fight me in the middle of the school hallway? Wouldn’t THAT be fuckin’ ironic!”

“Wilbur.”

“You’re just a nuisance, Techno. Don’t say my name like you know m-”

And with that, Techno threw Will violently to the floor, tired of hearing the mockery and assholery. He _never_ resorted to violence, but hearing this come from someone he was supposed to be family with threw him off. He didn’t even do anything to make Will act like this, he just minded his own business everywhere he went.

Will, on the other hand, was laughing. He had a bloody nose from hitting the floor and not protecting his face with his hand when he was thrown. He was laughing and laughing, as he got up and faced Techno with a big, familiar grin.

“Not so quiet and innocent as I thought you were! Impressive! Fucking impressive! And here I assumed you were some kind of annoyance who didn’t even talk, hah!”

Techno didn’t respond. Instead, he realised how familiar Will’s expression was. It felt so similar to one he saw when he was five. With his biological family. He had a brother, a twin brother. He didn’t remember his name, but the appearance was too similar. He thought Wilbur looked familiar when he first was welcomed into the household, but the smile was the thing that confirmed his suspicions. This person, that he thought was just his foster brother, wasn’t even a foster one. It _was_ his brother, and that’s what hurt. He didn’t expect for his brother, the one who he knew was creative and bright, to turn out like this. 

He was frozen. He didn’t know what to say, what to do. What _should_ he do in a situation like this? The one time he had interacted with his brother, was the one he hated most. Will was still spouting out bullshit, about how Techno was apparently some kind of ‘big guy’ now and that he wasn’t a nuisance. He didn’t want to hear it, even if it was muffled. He hated being ‘praised’ like this. He hated how everyone cheered him on whenever he got into fights out of pure frustration. He never learnt to control this. 

“Why.”

“Eh? What’d you say, big guy?”

“You never were like this, you were always a bright and creative kid. What the _fuck_ happened, Wilbur.”

“Huh-”

“You know what, forget that. Forget I said anything, you won’t remember anyway. See you at home, Will.”

With that, Techno finally moved out of his still position, grabbed his dropped schoolbag and rushed out of the building. Students watched the whole thing, but nobody did anything about it. I mean, what DO you do when you witness a family fight? The teachers ignored you and the counselor just brushed it off like nothing. The principal just gave you a few days of suspension and that’s it. Wilbur was confused with Techno’s words. They never talked before this, they never interacted. The most they saw each other was at school. What bullshit was the older making up now?

He shrugged it off and picked up his bag, starting to walk out of the building. He still felt overly giddy for no reason. Adrenaline got to his head, he assumed. The eyes of the students did feel more...judgmental though. He hated that feeling, so he upped his pace and got out of the building. At least now he can call Schlatt and hang out with him, discuss what happened and just relax. He wasn’t going straight home after what just happened, definitely not. 

Techno, on the other hand, walked home and was terrifyingly worried. How did he find his brother again? He knew that they got separated at a young age, but seeing him after 11 years feels just...wrong, for some reason. He didn’t want to hurt him, but the way Wilbur was provoking him just made him act out his feelings. He hated violence, yet he resorted to it when things seemed to go for the worst. He let out a heavy sigh, as he entered his home. He could hear Tommy’s voice from upstairs, so he most likely had his friend over again. That made him feel a bit better, knowing that his younger brother was at least having fun.

He went up the stairs and walked to his room right at the end of the hallway. Right as he opened the door, he could feel how much of a toll that...fight? took on him. He set his bag down and laid on his bed. He hated how today went. It was supposed to be calm and perfect, nothing should’ve gone wrong. Nothing.

Yet now he has realised he might be sticking around with the family and will have to deal with the bullshit he gets from his twin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ty for readin this chapter! i tried? to improve a few things but im unsure how it turned out
> 
> regardless, i hope you guys enjoyed this ^^! the final chapter will most likely be a longer one, so itll take more time!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have to make people happy. No matter what happens in the end, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! this is the final chapter in this work, so i hope you all enjoy reading it. heads up as this is most likely the longest chapter out of every other one and it will cover ALOT of heavy topics. please do not read this if it may trigger you. 
> 
> REMINDER THAT THIS IS ALL FICTION. DO *NOT* ASSOCIATE THIS WITH THE ACTUAL CC'S. 
> 
> tw for suicide (this also includes description blood and cutting.), dereality, description of depressive and suicidal thoughts. if i should add any more warnings, please let me know.

The rest of the school year went by fairly fast. Wilbur barely passed his classes, but he honestly would’ve cared less if he passed or didn’t. He was just glad that the teachers would stop pestering him now. No more ‘Wilbur, your grades are dropping, is everything okay at home?’ or ‘Wilbur, why haven’t you done the homework for today? Do you need to talk to someone?’. It annoyed him to the core, the teachers _never_ cared. They talked about the failing students with the other teachers whenever they had a break. Will always heard them talk in the teachers lounge, about how some students are failing to the point they should find another school to go to, or that they should’ve instead gone back a class since they were that stupid. He knew they were talking about him.

One thing did stay on his mind though, the day he and Techno had that fight. It weirded him out, how the older said that he was bright and creative. What did he mean by that? They never talked beforehand, it’s not like they knew each other. Right? If they had known each other before, why wouldn’t the other just tell him? Why?

It pestered his mind a lot, frustrating him. He didn’t want to talk with Techno again, it’d end up in another messy and (probably) bloody fight. They never got along, mostly due to Will’s anger towards the other. It wasn’t the usual temporary anger he had with Tommy on occasion, this was pure hatred. And he was pretty sure Techno knew that too, so he steered clear of his path. Both knew after the fight, to not interact again. Well, Will knew, Techno wanted to get to know the other more, but it never had worked out before so he didn’t want to make any kind of dramatic scene. The two just stayed away from one another.

Will sighed, as he was laying on his bed. It was the start of summer. He had no plans and most likely wouldn’t be planning to do anything anyway. The most he’d do is most likely hang out with Schlatt, maybe even with Tommy. Otherwise, he’d stay in his room, sleeping away the days. First time doing something like this, but what else could he do? Hang out with his family? Yeah right. 

Of course, he didn’t want to spend the whole summer all alone. He still wanted to feel happy. He wanted to feel worthy of something, anything. But he didn’t have any ideas of what to do. All he could really do was pester Schlatt about going to places to hang out at, nothing else really. He wanted to hang out with Tommy, but was scared of hurting him. It’s not like he was a soulless bastard who didn’t care, he was just a dickhead who wanted attention. Attention and praise, just how he used to be treated. 

He stared at the ceiling, let himself more loose and grabbed his phone. He went to his contacts and found Schlatt’s number. He felt like he was annoying with his constant calls. He hovered over the number, clicked on it and heard his phone ring. It wasn’t long before the other picked up.

“Hey Schlatt, wanna hang out?”

  
  
“Sure, why not.”

“Cool, I’ll be over in ten.”

He put his phone down, sat up and stretched. The weather was warm, so he wasn’t gonna put on a coat. He grabbed a flannel, wrapped it around his waist and combed his hair for it to be a bit less messy. He wasn’t going to do anything major, as he was just hanging out with his friend. He grabbed his phone, went downstairs and left.

The walk there was the usual path he took, even if there was some construction work going on between the path, he’d find a quick shortcut. Today was another one of those days. He was about five minutes into walking, and some road work was being done again. Nothing he couldn't avoid, and so he looked for a small gap or shortcut near the construction, but this time he couldn't find any kind of way to take the quicker route. He assumed they upped their 'security' to avoid accidents, maybe him constantly sneaking through construction work was a bad idea. He could care less though, it just annoyed him a bit that he couldn't be at his friend's place on time.

He was about two minutes late, which wasn't bad. _Others would've taken ages anyway_ , he thought. He knocked on Schlatt’s door, waiting for a response. He didn’t get one. Did the guy fall asleep again? It was midday, but he heard the groggy tone in his friend’s voice, which meant he most likely woke him up from a nap. He knocked again, waiting. He didn’t want to make his friend feel obligated to hang out with him, so if he didn’t get a response for another minute, he was gonna leave. He stared at the door, waiting and waiting, until he heard a click and the door opened. Guess Schlatt was just getting ready.

“Hey big guy, can I come in?”

“Yeah, yeah you can.”

Wilbur smiled as he walked in, took off his shoes and walked to the couch. He sat on it awaiting his friend, but he went to the kitchen instead. _Hm, if he’s not gonna join me anytime soon, might as well lay on this couch sideways. It’ll be funny,_ he thought. He did that, just laying there, doing nothing. He heard some clanging from the kitchen and assumed it was the other trying to get something to drink or snack on. He didn’t bother looking though, he didn’t want to stare. And so he waited for Schlatt to finish doing whatever he was doing. 

After about 10 minutes, he finally came to the couch with two drinks and a bowl full of pretzel sticks. 

“Hey, move.”

“Nah, don’t wanna.”

  
  
“C’mon Will, just move a little.”

“Only if you make me.”

Schlatt sighed, put the snacks and drinks on the coffee table in front of him and went upstairs to get something. Will hummed happily, unknown to what would happen after. He grabbed the drink from the coffee table and sipped it. _Hm, soda. Not that bad of a choice for a hangout sesh._ He drank a bit more before setting the cup back on the table, going back to the position he was in before. Schlatt, on the other hand, was looking for a plush Will gave him for ‘safe keeping’. It was a shark plush named Lonesome. He forgot where he put it, as he did hide it when the two fell apart for a bit. He didn’t want to be reminded of the other when he was hurting. Eventually, he found it, from some tall shelf in his room. He walked back down the stairs with it, holding it behind his back to show to Will as a surprise.

“Oi, let me on the couch.”

“I said only if you make me, the fuck you think that means?”

“Guess I’ll have to get rid of Lonesome then.”

  
  
“WHAT.”

The look on Will’s face went from smugness to sheer terror. It made Schlatt laugh, as he was holding Lonesome in front of Will now. His expression did go from terror to annoyed real quick, realising how the older had just pranked him. He knew he wouldn’t actually hurt the shark plush. And so he held out his arm, demanding it back. 

“Give him to me, now.”

“Only if you let me sit on the couch.”

“...Fine.”

Schlatt gave Will the shark plush and sat next to him. Will held the plushie and hugged it, he most likely missed Lonesome a lot. The two always enjoyed just playing with the plush, but it seemed like Will had a bigger emotional connection to it. He smiled and set the plushie on his lap, happy that a memory from years ago still existed. 

“You know, I forgot you still had him. Thought he was gone.”

“Why would I throw away one of the few memories I have of you? I’m not a heartless dickhead, Will.”

“Hmm, well you threatened to get rid of Lonesome just now, did you not?”

“It was a joke, you know it was one. Trust me, the worst I’d do is store them away from my sight.” 

“Suuuuure…”

“What!! Do you really think I would be like that? Do I give off that energy?”

“Pff- Yeah, yeah you do.”

The two shared a look and started to laugh. Both knew they were messing around, no bad blood was between them. They were just having fun like they usually do. This is how they both stayed happy. Well, Schlatt did. Wilbur felt happy during the moment, but right after, he felt like something was wrong. Like something had been taken away from him. It was an unpleasant feeling, he hated it. But it never went away, it stuck with him. He could never get rid of it.

That clicked in his head. He was never _truly_ happy, it was just temporary. If he wanted to be happy, make others happy, he had to make a painful decision. He didn’t want to resort to it but what else could he do? Just feel fake happiness every single day? Something that constantly mocked him and made him feel less and less worthy? 

He sighed, as he was walking home from his friend’s place. It was only the first week of summer, but he had made his decision. September 14th. The day he will be killing himself to finally feel happy for once. To make others be rid of his constant nuisance of an existence. He had about three months to make everyone as happy as they could be, so he didn’t leave without trying to make others feel better. He was going to make everyone he knew, get happy memories of him. _Everyone._

He spends time thinking of activities he could do, to make everyone feel joy. He was trying to make sure that the activities he had in mind wouldn’t be too extreme, he knew that while Tommy was an energetic kid, he hated activities that involved more than just everyday park walks and game playing. He was trying to be considerate of everyone, even Techno. Sure, he hated the guy, but what if he wasn’t that bad after all? Maybe he could feel as happy as he once did, as a child, with his biological family. He didn’t remember anything about them, but he knew he was a bright kid. 

Most of the summer went by fast, with him hanging out with his family and friends more. Of course, it was kind of awkward at first, but you have to start somewhere, right? It’s not just sunshine and flowers right away, you’ll have to overcome some things whether it’s trying to fix things after a fight or ignoring your brother for months on end. You have to make amends. 

He actually got more friendlier with Techno, realising the guy wasn’t that bad after all. They clicked pretty well together. But Will was still pretty hesitant to talk with him face-to-face, especially about the fight. He was desperate to know what him being bright and creative meant. He was always so close to asking, but he backed out, assuming the other didn’t want to be reminded of the fight. He wasn’t going to push his luck, not again at least. Techno on the other hand actually wanted Will to ask him about it, since he was pretty sure the other would give him another dirty look over something from the past if he asked him about it. The two were avoiding one topic they both wanted to talk about. 

-

Will sighed, as he checked the calendar. 1st of September, it read. 13 days left. He had little time left to make everyone happier. Schlatt told him that he’ll be coming back to school on the 8th, so he had a week to just spend time alone at school and try to think of ideas as to what to do with his last week left. He didn’t want to leave with a bittersweet ending. He wanted a happy ending, one where he made everyone as happy as they could be, and that it’ll be fine. It’ll all be fine in the end. They’ll move on eventually, whether it’s in a few weeks or a few months. You can’t grieve forever.

He opened his notebook, trying to think of what he could do. He knew that the first week of school would be busier than the next one, so he didn’t make any plans for this week. He wrote down the dates he’d be doing something, which were the 8th til the 13th. Six days of plans to make everyone get happy memories of him. To remember him as someone wonderful. To remember the good and calm times. And so he started writing everything that came to his mind and made sure he’d be able to do everything. 

He closed his notebook, and went to bed, sleeping calmly for once. He had another dream of being in the field again, but this time it wasn’t just Schlatt. Tommy, Tubbo and Techno were also there. The people he was planning on making happy. The people he cherished most. He was going to miss them, but he knew that he’d never leave their side. He’d always be with them, whether it was as a spirit, a memory or a physical possession. He’d be there, no matter what.

The rest of the school week went by fast and calmly. He wasn’t exactly doing anything, knowing he’d be gone soon anyway. Why stress yourself out if you’re gonna be gone in a week's time? It’d be stupid to do that. He paced around his room, unsure as to what to do. It was the 7th, he was gonna have to start on his plans tomorrow. Seven days were only left of his existence, so he was a bit nervous that he wasn’t going to be able to do everything he wanted to. He tried calming himself down, saying that it’ll be okay. He doesn’t have to do everything perfectly, he just has to make everyone happy. That’s it.

_It’ll be okay, Wilbur._

_You can make them happy._

_They will be happy._

He sighed as he checked the time. 9PM. He usually didn’t sleep early, but he didn’t have anything else to do, so he got into bed and fell fast asleep. Tomorrow was when he’d start making everyone happy, day by day. He will be as bright as the sun to them, reassuring them that it’ll be okay, even if they didn’t know what he meant. Nobody knew what he ever truly meant with his words, but they were full of joy nonetheless. 

And so the week started.

It was the 8th. He got up and looked at the stuff he had planned for today. _Make a plushie for Schlatt’s birthday,_ it read. He had made small plushies before, but he wanted to make a bigger one today. He looked at the time, got ready and went to school. He met up with Schlatt halfway through walking, chit-chatting with his friend before they arrived at the building and parted ways.

He didn’t do much of the classwork he had, mainly just sketched concepts in his notebook. He knew Schlatt liked rams a lot for some reason, the guy looked like one too, so he decided to make a ram plush for him. It’d be a moreover simplish one, with maybe added cat ears as a little tease. In the end, it’d just be a nice gift and maybe something more memorable than Lonesome. He just had to make sure that after school he didn’t rush himself making it.

He sighed with relief as the school day ended and started setting foot home, faster pace than usual. He knew the plush would take up most of his free time, so he didn’t want to waste time waiting around. He rushed home, went up to his room, set his bag down and searched for the fabric he had stored away ages ago. It was quite old, as he hadn’t sewn something in about two years now. He found it, took out the box full of threads and needles and various buttons and sketched out the pieces he needed onto multiple papers. 

He cut out the pieces he needed and started sewing. It was kind of therapeutic, surprisingly. He was relaxed for once, not stressing about some stupid test or worrying about making others happier. He knows he can do it, he just overthinks. He hummed a tune as he finished half of the plush so far, starting to stuff the little legs he had finished. All he had to do now was make the main body and head, which would be a little more tougher to do, but it’d be fine. He looked at the time. 5PM. It had taken 2 hours so far, which was reasonable but more slower than his usual pace. He sighed as he continued with the body. It was coming along nicely, maybe a few mistakes here and there, but otherwise he still had the skill. 

It took him about 6 hours in total, but he finished the plush. He made a little headband with cat ears on them as a little accessory and a tease. It looked nice, he thought. He smiled as he set it on his desk, and stretched. He hadn’t taken a break during the whole process, so he was tired. He smiled, as he went to bed. _Tomorrow will be wonderful too, I hope._

He woke up around the same time as yesterday. He was more groggier than usual, since he worked more than he was used to last night. He sat up and checked his calendar to see what his plans were today. _Hang out with Tommy._ He was hesitant to hang out with his brother since even if they spent the summer having fun on occasions, he could tell the younger was scared around him. Most likely because of him being a dickhead towards him. He didn’t hate Tommy, not one bit, it’s just that his emotions would control him more than he was able to. He hated it, but he hoped to make up for his actions with today’s stuff that he had planned. 

He got ready, grabbed his bag and walked to school. Schlatt was a bit late, but he didn’t mind it. They had a small talk before leaving for their separate classes. Will tried to focus on some of the classwork, but mostly ended up spacing out. Even if he was able to hang out with Tommy, what would they do? It would just end up being awkward. He sighed as he walked to his last class and doodled everywhere on his classwork, being reminded of the story he once made. He heard the bell ring, got up and started going home.

He got home and heard Tommy cackling upstairs. Guess he was with Tubbo. He took off his coat and shoes and walked up to his room. He wanted to knock on Tommy’s door to ask him if he wanted to play games or something of the sort, but he also didn’t want to ruin his mood. He sat on his bed, thinking. Should he try to talk with Tommy or not? He knew that the younger most likely wouldn’t mind but he didn’t want to make him feel like he should be on edge around him. He waited for a bit until he heard the cackling stop, wondering why. He got up and walked out of his room and stood in front of Tommy's door. Hesitatingly, he knocked on his door. 

It took a bit of shuffling noises from the room until the door opened. He was greeted with a surprised look from the younger.

“Oh, it’s you, Will. You need something?”

“No… I was wondering if we could just hang out and play games? You know, how we used to.”

Tommy looked off to the side, thinking of what to answer. Of course, that sounded fun, but what if Wilbur was gonna snap at him again? What if he was gonna get yelled at by him? He didn’t want that again. 

“It’s fine if not, I know how I can make you feel...unsafe? At times, but I want to make up for the stuff I’ve done with this.”

“Mm, sure. I suppose we could hang out.”

That made Will feel relieved, knowing they’d be able to have fun like they used to. He stepped into Tommy’s room, closing the door behind him. Tommy was sitting on his bed, fiddling with the game controller he had. He was trying to figure out what they should play, knowing their taste in games is vastly different. Wilbur joined him, looking at the screen. It was switching from one game to another. He saw how Tommy was unsure, so he tried to think of a solution of sorts.

“Tommy, you don’t have to worry about whether I like the game or not, just choose something you enjoy, okay?”

“But our taste in games is so differe-“

“It’s fine. Seriously.”

Tommy looked at Will for a second, turned back to the TV screen and chose a game. Wilbur didn’t know what it was exactly, but seeing how the younger went from a neutral expression to a more cheerful one made him realise that it was one of Tommy’s favorites. He went along with it, asked how the game works and through trial and error, eventually got the hang of it. They were both having fun, Tommy occasionally letting out the loud cackles of laughter he did with Tubbo. Wilbur enjoyed it all, seeing how he made his younger brother feel better. It wasn’t a rare sight, but seeing Tommy’s cheerful smile made him feel better. It made him feel safe.

“You know Will, I enjoyed playing with you today. You’re still energetic and fun!”

“Haha, I’m happy to hear that, Toms.”

Hearing that nickname being used after months made Tommy’s face light up even more. Wilbur patted his head, smiling gently. It wasn’t that late in the evening but he also didn’t want to distract Tommy from his schoolwork. Kid’s gotta do well like he usually does, not end up becoming like his older brother. He let Tommy go back to his room, closing the door and going back to his own room. He sighed as he realised it was Schlatt’s birthday _tomorrow._ Sure, he had a gift ready and everything, but he wanted to make it feel special. Guy was turning 17. Maybe he could ask Tommy and Tubbo if they wanted to celebrate it with him? He knew Techno had to study tomorrow but he didn’t know about the younger ones. 

He checked the time. 6PM. Not that late. Maybe he could pass the time with trying to think of a song to play for Schlatt tomorrow? Maybe the song they used to hum together in the field. It’d be a nice way to spend his birthday. It’d be a nice and calm day. Just how he wants it to be. No problems, no bickerings, only a peaceful time with occasional loud cackling. It’d feel wonderful. Well, he’d hope so at least. 

He sat on his bed, laying down and letting the thoughts run through his mind. Would Tommy and Tubbo even feel comfortable hanging out with the two? Sure, they were around 15 now, but even then. They didn’t know Schlatt as well as Will did, so it would feel awkward. He frustratingly pulled his hair, he wanted to make the day memorable, but how? How could he make it feel fun without putting others on the spot. 

“Gah! This is so fucking stupid. It’s only Schlatt’s birthday! I shouldn’t worry that much.” Will yelled at himself, a frustrated tone in his voice, “Sure, it’s the last one I’m...celebrating but it doesn’t matter! He’ll feel fine next year anyway. He _has_ to.”

He let go of his hair and angrily sighed. He just hoped that tomorrow would go well. Ruining your friend’s birthday would suck. He’ll most likely ask the two younger ones tomorrow, if they even want to hang out. If not, he’ll just make something up on the run. He always has done that whenever someone cancels their plans with him. It’s not the easiest but it’s better than just being a little awkward dipshit. 

He stared at his ceiling for a bit, wondering what to do. It was about 7PM now. His thoughts had been yelling at him for that long, huh? It wouldn’t hurt to sleep early though, knowing that he wasn’t going to eat dinner anyway. It’d be an inconvenience to sit around a table in awkward silence as you ate. He closed his eyes and slowly slipped into a long, calm sleep. 

The first thing he heard when waking up was his alarm. It wasn’t that loud, but it sure felt like it. He sat up, turned off the alarm and stretched. He took a bit to wake up before getting out of bed and changing into his usual school attire. He put the plushie into his bag, grabbed it and walked downstairs. Nobody was awake yet, so he decided to get an early start for the day and go to school first. The sun had just risen, so it felt nice to walk along the pavement where there were barely any cars. It was mornings like these that Will loved so much. 

“Hm, I should text Tommy about whether or not he can hang out with me and Schlatt later. Better than waiting until the last second,” he told himself, pulling out his phone and finding his younger brother’s contact to message him. 

_Hey tommy, you n tubbo wanna hang out w me n schlatt later today?_

_its his birthday today so why not have u guys mess around w us. lmk whenever u can_

He looked over the message before sending it, closing his phone and continuing his walk to school. He took his time since he wasn’t in a rush, he wanted to enjoy this morning. The slight breeze felt nice as he got to the gates of the school. He waited around for Schlatt, knowing the guy would arrive soon. He was always there before Will. And his hunch was right.

“Hey Will, you’re here awfully early!” Schlatt said in surprise, walking up to the other.

“Yeah, thought I’d get a headstart for today knowing it’s your birthday.”

“You remembered!”

“Mhm, and here’s your gift.”

As Will told the other that, he opened his bag and pulled out the ram plushie he made. Schlatt looked at it in awe, holding it in his hands. It was really soft and he enjoyed hugging it. He hadn’t gotten a gift in over a year, so it made him overly happy. He couldn’t stop thanking Will, saying how amazing and wonderful he is for this gift. He had a smile on his face that only Will had seen before. It warmed his heart, knowing he made his friend this happy already. They walked into the school, chatting on the way until the class bell rang and they had to go to their separate classes. The day went by fast, nothing eventful happening, just Will barely focusing on his work again and instead anticipating the way he’d spend Schlatt’s birthday. He _had_ to make it wonderful. 

He was walking with Schlatt, listening to the other ramble about the topics he had to learn today and how stupid they were. It made him chuckle, seeing the various expressions he made with his face and hands. He smiled, as he checked his phone to see if he had gotten a response from Tommy. There were a few notifications from him, so he opened them. 

_ya me n tubs can hang out w u guys_

_but what r we gonna do_

_wilbur_

_wilbur_

_wilbur please whered u go i need to know so i can prepare in advance_

_wilbur i know youre on your phone during class do not ignore me_

_im gonna start swearing at you when you get home_

_tubbo will join in too_

Will sighed with a chuckle at the end, preparing to respond to the text. 

_We’re gonna just vibe around, you two can suggest things to do ykno_

_oh my god it took you three hours to respond_

_what if it was an emergency_

_what then_

_It’s just schlatts birthday cmon toms youre too clingy_

_Get your clinginess issues sorted out or im not coming home_

_WHAT_

_NO WILBUR COME HOME COME HOME COME HOME_

  
  


_I’m just jokin around ofc im coming home_

_See ya in like five minutes_

With that, he put his phone back into his pocket and continued to chat with Schlatt on his way home. Today will be nice, it’ll be fun, he thought. They eventually got to Will’s house, opening the front door and being greeted with...silence? Wilbur assumed his younger brother would be at the door, calling him names and such, but instead the house was silent as a mouse. He shrugged it off and went inside, welcoming his friend in too. It had been two years since the other had visited, so it looked a bit different. 

“So… What do you want to do, Schlatt?” Will asked, as they walked to the living room.

Schlatt shrugged and sat down on the couch first, laying on it like Will did before, teasing him. “Dunno, maybe watch a movie?”

“That’s boring, besides, there’s barely anything to watch nowadays. I’m gonna go look for Tommy, maybe he has some ideas.”

With that, Will left and went upstairs, stopping in front of his younger brother’s room. He gave two gentle knocks against it, waiting for a response. None. No rustling sounds either. He sighed, and knocked again. Still no response. Was the kid lying about being home so he could get his brother to be there before him? Or was he hiding around the house? It wouldn’t hurt to try the door to see if it’s even locked. And so he did that.

The door clicked right open, which Will was suspicious of at first. He opened it a little more to step inside, but was stopped with the yelp of his friend downstairs. What on _earth_ could’ve happened that Schlatt of all people had to make a noise that loud? He turned around and went downstairs, only to be greeted by the sight of Tommy and Tubbo messing around with his friend.

“Alright, the hell happened here?” Will asked, confused at the sight.

“Will help, the youngins are trying to break my goddamn bones here.” Schlatt cried out, refusing to leave his spot.

“Nah we just wanna sit on the couch, loser.” Tommy replied, continuing to pull at both of the other guy’s arms. 

“Alright- alright- calm down you two. Schlatt, just sit up, or do you want me to join in with them.”

Schlatt frowned but gave into Will’s words, sitting up and letting the duo sit on the couch alongside him. Will smiled, as he stood behind the couch, resting his arms and head against the top of it.

“So, what do you guys wanna do?” Will asked, looking at Tommy and Tubbo. 

“Hmmm, maybe we can play some games?”

“Tommy we already did that yesterday.”

“Ok, and.”

“C’mon, any other ideas?” 

Tommy looked at the older with a bit of an angered look, but turned around and started to think of other things they could do. The generic things— watching TV, playing games, going out somewhere to mess around —were off the table. He knew Wilbur wanted something ‘quirky’ because that’s the vibe he always gave off. He put his head in his hands as he tried to think more, always coming to a dead end.

Finally, that frustration came to an end when Tubbo spoke his own idea. “Maybe we could try to bake something?” 

“Oooh yeah! That sounds fun, right Schlatt?”

The other nodded at Will. The plan was a go then. Let's just hope they won't burn the kitchen down since no one in this household, except for Phil, knew how to cook or bake things well. It always ended in something burning to a crisp. Will went to the kitchen, trying to find simple supplies to bake something. Maybe a cake? Or a pie? It'd be fitting with the 'birthday' theme. The other three were doing their own thing. Tubbo looking up recipes, Tommy trying to get out the necessary utensils and Schlatt helping Will with picking out the ingredients. 

“Does making a chocolate cake sound good?” Tubbo asked, walking up to the counter full of utensils.

“Oh! That sounds neat, so why not? I’m pretty sure we have necessary ingredients too.” Will responded, walking up to Tubbo to see the recipe. They had everything they needed, so he went back to the cupboards to get the things out. 

“Alright, has anyone here baked anything before?” Wilbur asked the rest of the trio. Tommy shook his head, Schlatt doing the same. 

“I’ve baked muffins before, but that’s it. We should be careful with baking this though, knowing how we could possibly burn the whole kitchen down if we don’t pay enough attention.” Tubbo replied, already sorting out the bowls they’d have to use.

Wilbur and Schlatt started to look at the instructions given, and made the batter with a bit of struggle. Tubbo and Tommy were making the frosting, since there wasn’t much else to do. It was going well so far, sure, it was messy, but that happens regardless. Wilbur separated the batter into two pans and put them in the oven, setting a timer for 30 minutes. Tommy was messing around with one of the bags of frosting the duo had made already, Tubbo telling him to stop but still laughing at the antics happening. 

Wilbur sighed with a chuckle, enjoying the sight of the two having fun. It reminded of him and Schlatt years ago, when they first met and didn’t know what to exactly do to interact better, so they just messed around with the flowers in the field. It wasn’t as energetic as this situation, but it still felt nice. He was happy, knowing his friends and brother were having fun today. It was going as planned. 

“Hey Will?”

  
  
“Yeah Tubbo?”

“Have you checked the timer? Isn’t it almost time to take the cake out?” Tubbo asked, concern on his face.

“Oh shi- you’re right.” Wilbur said, quickly grabbing his phone to see the timer. Barely a few seconds left until he was supposed to take it out. He grabbed the oven mitts, opened the oven and took out the two pans he had put in there. They smelled nice, a bit burnt, but it’s better than fully burning something. 

He let the younger duo decorate the cake, helping a little to make it not look absolutely horrid. In the end, it looked neat and was edible, and Schlatt was happy with it, so it was all fine in the end. Another day crossed off as a success with making people happy. Two more to go before the weekend.

They enjoyed the cake, sang some songs and eventually Schlatt and Tubbo left, Schlatt thanking Will for the amazing birthday party, Tubbo thanking Tommy for letting him tag along in the messy antics. 

“You know, Will, today was really fun. I hope your birthday is the same!” said Tommy happily, preparing to go up the stairs.

“Yeah...I hope so too, Toms.” Wilbur replied, trying to hide the pain that came over him hearing that last sentence. He really hopes Tommy won’t be the one to discover his body. He doesn’t want to hurt the kid. He really doesn’t.

He saw Tommy disappear from his line of sight from the stairs, so he just stood there, trying to suppress the stinging pain he was feeling. He felt happy today, yet now here he was, feeling like he had reached rock bottom. It sucks. He wanted to feel happy, knowing he’d be fine and without any problems, but instead he was a depressed mess. He kicked the bottom of the stairs out of frustration, why was his brain like this? Why couldn’t he just be glad for having people who care? Why was he so _selfish._

He sighed, before going up to his room. It was pretty late in the day now, so he flopped onto his bed and fell fast asleep. But the thought of accidentally hurting Tommy more gnawed at him the whole night. It made him angry, yet worried. What if the kid does discover him. What if the kid is the first one to witness whatever the hell happened to ‘Wilbur Soot’ , the older brother he grew up loving and enjoying the company of.

His alarm felt like a tornado siren right at seven in the morning. He groaned as he woke up, shutting the alarm on his phone off. He got up, rubbing his eyes and yawning. Sure, he slept well and for a long time, but the worry that kept him from getting an actually good sleep made him feel like shit. He walked over to his desk, checking his notebook to see what was on the agenda for today. _Interact with Techno today_ , it read. He stared at the sentence, feeling uneasy. Sure, the guy seemed nicer after they interacted a few times over the summer, but he wasn’t prepared to...talk with him. He wasn’t prepared to have an _actual_ conversation with him, not after the fight. 

Sighing, he changed to his usual school attire once again, grabbed his bag and rushed down the stairs and out the door. He had better thoughts while walking to school anyway. His pace was faster than usual. Most likely due to him wanting to see Schlatt again and hang out with him before his tiring classes. Eventually, he was at the gates of the building again, no friend in sight though. He took out his phone to look at the time. _7:19AM_ , it read. So he was _that_ early, huh. He had time to spare and mess around, or think about what to do with his...brother? Twin? Same thing. Maybe he could try to socialize with him in a way that isn’t face-to-face? He didn’t have the guy’s number though, so texting was a dead end.

“Hey loverboy!” Schlatt said, startling Wilbur. He didn’t expect to be thatdeep in thought.

“Oh, hey Schlatt, you startled me there.” Will responded, smiling at the end of his sentence. 

“Yeah, that was the goal actually. I haven’t seen you scared in a bit and it’s always funny to see your various reactions to things!”

“You are so cruel.”

“Nah, you are. Anyways let’s go inside, my legs feel like they’re about to collapse”

Will chuckled, as they both walked into the building. His friend immediately sat down on one of the nearby benches in the hallway and started ranting about his homework and tests. He nodded, listening to the rant, trying to advise him to keep it down a bit as the teachers could hear it and make him do extra work. He tried to be more quiet, but it failed. Schlatt was always the guy who’d be loudly talking about anything, whether it was a casual conversation or ranting. The guy had been ranting for so long that the class bell had rung, and the two went to their separate classes. The classes were long but went by fast. Before he knew it, Will was already walking home. Still with zero ideas of what to do to interact with Techno.

When he arrived home, he saw some letters on the kitchen table, most likely to Phil regarding his work. He didn’t pay mind to them and walked up the stairs, heading into his room and locking the door. He sat down on his chair and spun around in it for a bit, thinking. Maybe he could actually do something that didn’t require directly talking to him? Like...giving him letters! That’s it. Sure, he wasn’t gonna put them in a fancy envelope, but at least it was better than awkwardly pestering his brother. He opened his drawer full of paper, took a few dozen sheets and put them on his desk. Grabbing a pen, he started to think of what to write as a starter. He chewed on his pen cap, unsure of how to start off the letter. He didn’t want to seem too pushy nor did he want to seem like some kind of kindergartener. 

He sighed, taking off the pen cap and setting it on the paper. He started to write.

_Hey!_

_Ok I know this may seem weird, but I wanted to talk with you a bit more. Writing letters seemed like the best idea because you enjoy literature, right? So this could maybe help you ‘expand’ your writing skills!_

_I just mainly want to know more about you though, you seem interesting. Feel free to write your response on the back of this letter whenever you can! :)_

_~ Wilbur_

This seemed good enough for a start, so he folded the paper in half and got up. He walked to Techno’s door and slid the letter under it. He didn’t wait to see if there would be shuffling from the other side, so he went back to his room, laying on his bed and not doing much while waiting for something as a response. He was pretty sure everyone was home, they were just doing their own thing. He laid there, staring at his cracked ceiling. It felt relaxing, somehow. He wasn’t being pestered by his thoughts right now. It was just calmness surrounding him. He smiled gently while closing his eyes, listening to the chirps outside.

That went on for about 40 or so minutes, he was surprised he didn’t fall asleep. But what woke him up was a noise from outside of his door. Well, moreover under it. He sat up and saw a letter. Huh, he actually got a response which surprised him. He stood up and walked to it, grabbing it and sitting back onto his bed to read it. The handwriting was a lot more neater than his, almost feeling like an actual author wrote it. He started to read the response he got.

_Hello._

_It doesn’t seem weird at all, I understand why you’d write something like this. I’ve written my fair share of letters before, so I’m not new to this form of communication. I’m glad to know that you want to talk more, but I’m unsure as to what to tell you without any specific questions being asked. I’m open to sharing mostly anything, that isn’t too personal._

_~ Techno_

Reading it made him get a smile on his face. Sure, you could make him smile easily if he wasn’t in a shit state, but this warmed his heart, knowing the guy wanted to also talk with him. He got up and grabbed another sheet of paper and his pen, and started writing questions and more things about himself to the other. The responses he got from the other always made him smile and laugh, it was wonderful. Even if they weren’t talking, face-to-face, both were having fun writing their little letters. They finally bonded, like they should’ve a year ago. 

It went on for the whole day, until the last letter Will got was a goodnight from the other. He wrote a goodnight letter back, and that was that. His plan was done. Only one to go until the weekend. He leaned back in his chair, staring at his wall. He wasn’t deep in thought, just thinking about how time had passed by quickly. He didn’t want the happiness to end, he knew he could just not do it and continue to be happy with others, but his thoughts would end up just hurting others in the end. It always would.

He got up from his chair and grabbed his phone to see how late it was. _1:46AM,_ it read. Guess time goes by fast having fun. He put his phone back onto his bedside table and sat onto his bed. He wasn’t particularly tired yet, but his body wanted him to lay in bed and dream again. He stared into the void of his room, feeling uneasy. He could feel _them_ in his room, again. It’s not like they ever left, they were always there, tormenting him. He just hadn’t paid that much attention to them lately, and he probably should’ve continued doing that. 

He felt the voices getting louder and louder, telling him to already do it, to not wait. The people around him weren’t worth his time, they were just passing it so he would forget about his hallucinations. They were tormenting him, saying false things about his friends, family. He tried to mute the voices by covering his ears, but it didn’t stop. He could still feel them around him, laughing and tormenting him. They weren’t stopping. They would never stop when they started. They stuck around like glue, everywhere he went. He was trying to calm down, failing constantly. It wasn’t easy to calm down in this situation, all alone, unable to tell anyone about this. Nothing was working to mute the voices, he just had to hope for the best and that he could fall asleep. He laid down and put his pillow on his head, holding it tightly as he tried to not listen to the horrible things being said to him. 

It eventually worked, but the sleep was horrible and he felt exhausted in the morning. The uneasy feeling wouldn’t leave him for the whole day, unless his plan for today worked out. He got up to check his notebook, reading the final hang out plan he had written down. _Go to the park with everyone._ He looked at it, going from a tired expression to a more gloomy one. It was a small difference, but it was big enough to make him realise that this will be the last time he’s gonna hang out with people. This is it, two days before he does it. 

While getting ready, he decided to change up his outfit a tad bit, making it seem more himself. It was comfortable, he liked it. With that, he grabbed his backpack and headed downstairs, leaving the house to walk to school. He took out his phone to text the people he’d like to hang out with today, one last time. He went to his contacts, scrolled for a bit and found Tommy and Techno’s numbers. He’d talk to Schlatt about this later, so he just made a groupchat with him and the other two. 

_Hey guys, would you be willing to hang out later? Like go to the park or something of the sort. Schlatt would tag along_

_Also tommy, you can bring tubbo if you’d like_

He put his phone in his pocket as he continued to walk, eventually reaching the gates for one last time. This is the last time he’d be waiting for Schlatt at these gates, it kind of hurt him. He stood there, mindlessly watching the patches of grass that slowly flowed in the wind. This was the last time he’d see this sight. He should probably try to take it all in, before the weekend. As he was watching the flowing grass, he heard footsteps from behind. It was Schlatt, energetic as ever in his usual mornings. 

“Hey big guy! What are ya doin’, watching the grass?” he said, walking up to Will and patting him on the back.

“Oh, nothing. Just lost in thought.” Will responded, giving a gentle smile back, “Also, I wanted to ask you something.”

  
“Hm? I’m all ears.”

  
  
“Would you want to hang out with me and a few others after school? Y’kno, to just relax and take some time off.” 

“Of course! Why wouldn’t I want to hang out with you? Being around you is like the best thing ever. I’d hate for it to stop again.” Schlatt said cheerfully, as they both were now walking into the school. 

All Will could give in return was a small agreement-like hum, and they continued walking. It hurt hearing that from Schlatt. He didn’t want to leave him alone but he really couldn’t take it any longer. Even if he was happy now, it’d end up stabbing him back in the worst ways possible later. He tried to shake those negative thoughts off for now, walking up to his locker and taking out his usual textbooks. He and Schlatt hung around for a bit, before hearing the class bell ring and them having to go their separate paths yet again. 

When the school day ended, he checked his phone to see if he had gotten a response from the two. He only saw Tommy’s response, but not Techno’s. Huh, weird. Well, at least Tommy and Tubbo agreed to hanging out with the others. He turned off his phone and continued to walk down the hallway, seeing if Schlatt was waiting for him at the end. He wasn't, which made him kind of worried, but he most likely went outside to wait already. Right before reaching to grab the door handle to go outside, he was stopped from behind. He turned around to see who it was and it was… Techno? The hell was he doing this time? 

“Hey Techno, did you need something?” he asked, feeling a tad bit uneasy.

“Oh, I just wanted to tell you that I can hang out with you and the others. My phone just died, so that’s why.” Techno replied, seemingly trying to find a believable excuse to interact with his brother, probably. 

“Ah! That’s great, actually. Wanna walk home with me and Schlatt then?”  
  


“Sure.”

The two walked out of the building, only to be met by Schlatt who was confused at the sight of the two being friendly. Wilbur explained what was going on and Schlatt gave back a suspicious, but understanding look. He joined them in walking to Wilbur’s home, where they would discuss where to exactly go and what to do. It would be a nice, fun and enjoyable day for everyone. It had to be. 

They arrived at Will’s house not long after, Wilbur calling Tommy to see where and his friend are, Schlatt jumping on the couch to rest and Techno finding something to snack on from the fridge. Everyone was doing their own thing, as per usual. 

“Gh- why won't he pick up, kid did say that he’d be home early today.” Will said to himself, a frustrated tone in his voice.

“Maybe he’s just fuckin’ around, forgetting he agreed to hang out with u-”

“Hey guys!” Tommy suddenly yelled, opening the front door, Tubbo behind him.  
  
“Jesus christ Tommy, I’ve told you to stop being so loud the second you get home.” Wilbur said, walking up to the younger and ruffling his hair. Tommy grinned widely, as he hugged the older. Huh, clingy today. 

“Look, man, I can’t control it! I enjoy letting everyone know that big man Tommy is back here, home!” 

“Yeah, yeah. Anyways, get in. It isn’t summer outside anymore.” 

Tommy and his friend walked in, Wilbur having to close the door behind them due to the two immediately rushing to the living room after taking their shoes and jackets off. He didn’t mind it though, as long as everyone here was happy. They’d all be having fun today. It’d be memorable. Fun. Exciting. 

“Alright, where would you guys want to go to hang out?” Will asked, catching the attention of the rest of the group. 

“I’m fine with anything, just nothing too energetic.” Schlatt replied, laying back on the couch. 

Techno said the same as Schlatt, while Tommy and Tubbo didn’t want anything too boring. It made Wilbur be stuck with his thoughts, because he just wanted everyone to have fun, so he thought of where to go that wouldn’t be that boring nor too energetic. Something familiar to him…

“Ah! How about we go to a field nearby? It’s filled with flowers and tall grass, so it suits everyone here. Y’kno, some can run around, others can make flower crowns and such!” Will said, making himself smile halfway through his sentence to make it seem more welcoming and fun.

“Yeah, me and Tubs are fine with that.” said Tommy, with his usual energetic tone.

He saw Techno nod to the idea and Schlatt most likely agreed as well, so the plan was a go. It would be the most fun they’d have, right? It can’t go wrong. It just can’t. Otherwise it’d all be ruined, like crumpled paper. That can’t happen. Wilbur made sure to make this as fun as possible, he didn’t want the last memory of him to be something that’s horrible. It’d just ruin the purpose of this week.

The whole group got ready, Wilbur leading the way. He led them all to the field, which was covered in shades of every colour you could imagine. Tommy immediately ran into the field, dragging Tubbo along by the wrist. The two were already having the time of their life, as per usual. Wilbur let out a small chuckle, while leading Schlatt and Techno to a more flower-filled part of the field. The three sat down, Wilbur already grabbing the flowers surrounding him and making a crown of them. Schlatt looked in awe, as he struggled to also make one. Techno hadn’t made one in a while, so maybe this would bring back nice memories. 

“You know, this is really calming. I’m glad you brought us here, Wilbur.” said Techno, with a smile on his face as he was making a crown full of Lavenders and Daisies. It looked pretty.

Hearing those words made Will’s heart warm up, which made him hum happily. “It’s no problem, honestly. I just wanted to spend more time with you guys.”

Schlatt wanted to add on something as well, but it would’ve felt forced. He didn’t want to be left out though, so he just grabbed a nearby flower and threw it in Wilbur’s face, which made the other laugh. That sparked a small flower-throwing war, which just ended in the three enjoying themselves more than before. Wilbur was really enjoying this. He didn’t want it to end.

Tommy and Tubbo were off doing their own thing, running around the field and eventually laying down in the grass and flowers, tired from moving around so much. They were enjoying themselves as much as the other three were. Finding the duo in the tall grass again was hard though. How can you find the two in such a huge field without getting lost yourself? Luckily it was easy to find them, due to the two still talking and laughing, loud as ever. 

In the end, the day was fun. The group had fun, and Wilbur cherished every single second of it. When leaving, he stood at the edge of the field, looking back at it. This’ll be the last time he’s gonna see this sight, huh. He should take it all in, before they all leave. He closed his eyes, and let the smell of all the flowers consume his mind. It was relaxing, as the breeze blew and made him feel at home. He smiled gently, opening his eyes and turning around to catch up with the rest of the group. The last day was a success. Only 48 hours left… So little time.

Schlatt and Tubbo left half-way through walking home, both going their own separate ways. Now it was just the trio. It was awkward at first, but Wilbur tried to loosen up. This was his family. He had to make sure they were the happiest before the stuff he was about to pull in two days. They chit-chatted until they got home, where Wilbur immediately rushed upstairs, opening his room door and sitting on his bed. He forgot to fully close the door, but he was pretty sure nobody would come in anyway. He let himself drift through his thoughts. The memories he made today, they made him happy, ecstatic even. But that happiness would always be temporary. Always. 

He laid down, staring at his ceiling, noticing new cracks. Huh, his room is still aging like fine wine. He closed his eyes, as he felt his body slowly drift into a long sleep. He slept well, not feeling the never-ending words of the pain he constantly felt. He felt as if he’d slept happily. Even when waking up, he didn’t feel like a nuisance. Probably due to him knowing what he had to do today. Write all the letters needed for tomorrow. It was the 13th now. 

He sat up, looking out the window. The weather was still nice, like yesterday, which made him feel more loose and relaxed. Getting up, he changed into some more casual clothing and sat behind his desk. He didn’t have time to eat breakfast, that was an afterthought. He grabbed the paper he had and took his pen. Knowing these letters would be long, he thought thoroughly of each person he was writing to. Tommy, the energetic, optimistic and loud kid. Techno, the quiet, calm and relaxed brother. Schlatt, the risk-taking, carefree and comforting friend. Tubbo, the bee-loving, ecstatic and welcoming friend. Phil, the caring yet struggling father, the one who Wilbur was most unsure about, since he barely interacted with the guy nowadays. 

He put meaning into every letter, saying how much he enjoyed playing games with Tommy, how he enjoyed talking about all kinds of literature and music with Techno, how he enjoyed teasing and hanging out with Schlatt, how he enjoyed listening to all the rambles from Tubbo, how he...enjoyed having a father like Phil. He didn’t want to seem like a dickhead with Phil’s letter, but it isn’t the easiest to write about someone you haven’t interacted with for a while. You have to dig up old, forgotten memories that you wish stayed forgotten. Remembering how he first met Phil, hurt yet made him feel warm and happy. How he got his first ever gift and how he didn’t want to let go of it ever, since his dad got it for him. How he attached himself to every single object ever, since he barely owned anything before this. He appreciated everything Phil had done for him, but some of the gifts he got were coated with white lies of love, of care, of family. It wasn’t always sunshine and rainbows. It never was. 

He let go of his pen, finishing off the last letter. They were...done. Ready for tomorrow. Tomorrow, the day he was leaving. It stung, hearing how Tommy was still lively as ever in his room, how Techno occasionally looked through the crack of Wilbur’s door. Those would all be gone. For him, at least. The others? He just hopes they won’t be in pain. He doesn’t want them to go through the same stuff he’s gone through. Sighing, he looked at the time. About 9PM. Did it really take him _that_ long just to write five letters? Sure, they took a while to think of but it surprised him that it was that late. Didn’t matter though, tomorrow is his birthday. For others, it might be a tragedy, for him, it’s happiness at last. He got up from his chair, stretched and walked to his bed. Last time he was sleeping and waking up the next day, huh. 

Closing his eyes, he felt the void of his unconsciousness consume him. The voices repeating in his head, how happy they were he was doing it, how they were proud of him, how they cared about him for once. It terrified him, but he could care less now. He just had to sleep all of these feelings off, wake up, talk with his family one last time and wait for a while until he did it. That was the plan. It will work out. He’ll be happy, in a safer place. That was his last thought, before drifting into a long sleep. 

Opening his eyes, he heard someone knocking at his door. It wasn’t that early anymore, but still too early for Will. He got up and walked to his door to open it and see who was frantically trying to break into his room at this point. When he opened the door, he was surprised with a hug that nearly toppled him over. 

“Happy birthday Wilbur!” Tommy cheerily said, while tightening the hug. 

Wilbur returned the hug, and let a gentle smile crawl onto his face. “Thank you Tommy.” 

When looking up from the younger, he saw the void behind his doorframe. He felt himself getting uneasy, so he pushed Tommy away from the hug. The younger, being confused, tried to ask him what was wrong but Wilbur refused to say anything. He said it was fine, and that he felt a little dizzy due to just waking up. Tommy understood, and told him that he, Techno and Phil would go out to surprise him with something. It kind of ruined the surprise for Wilbur, but he just patted Tommy’s head and told him to be on his way. Seeing the younger scurry down the stairs and hearing how the three eventually walked out the door and closed it, made him feel relieved. It was the same as every year, they’d go out for the whole day and surprise Wilbur with a night full of activities whether it was games or playing music. It was always fun, not this year though. 

He sat on his bed, sighing, thinking of what to do to pass the time. He didn’t want to do it early in the day, as he wanted to spend time taking everything in before going. Looking at his phone, he went to his contacts and hovered over Schlatt’s contact. Might as well talk with the big guy for a while before doing it. It wouldn’t hurt, nothing would hurt, he’d be happy and numb. Closing his eyes, he clicked on the contact and heard the phone ring. Not long after, his friend picked it up, with a loud ‘Happy birthday, big man!’. It made him happy hearing that, as he started to talk about everything and anything. The other listened, talking in-between Wilbur’s rambles. It was fun, they had some laughs, some fake-sobs, some genuine moments.

“Okay, I’m heading off now. Family’s comin’ home soon, so yeah.” said Wilbur, faking a tired tone in his voice.

“Haha, alright. Enjoy being 17 now, I’ll see you tomorrow!” responded Schlatt, still having a cheery voice.

_Yeah. Tomorrow._ “Mhm, see ya.”

Clicking the end call button, seeing the four hours he talked with his friend, he sighed. Those hours went by fast, he thought. The others would be arriving home in around an hour, so he should probably get up and do it already. It isn’t that hard. Just a simple slice and you’re done. You’re gone.

Getting up, he went down the stairs and found the biggest knife he could find. Something that would be quick and easy, he thought. Grabbing it, he went upstairs to the bathroom. He opened the door and closed it behind him. He took one last look at himself at the mirror. He looked like a total mess. A total fucking mess. He could feel how the voices were coming back, to yell at him as to why he hadn’t done it yet. He hated the voices, so as he took one last look at himself, he stepped away from it and walked up to the bathtub. Somewhere comfortable, he thought, as he got in there and laid down. He could feel the coldness on his back, but he didn’t mind it. He was always cold as of late, anyway. 

He had enjoyed this week, he really had. It was fun, wonderful, amazing. Maybe the following weeks, months, years even, would be the same. But he knew that was a lie. It’d just hurt him horribly later on, so he’d rather end the pain now than go through worse later on. Staring at the ceiling, listening to the quiet hum of the bathroom light, he tightened his grip on the knife. 

He set it gently on his throat, letting a huff of breath out. The blade was cold, yet sharp on his skin. Taking a breath in, he applied more pressure, making the blade cut into the skin of his throat. It was a quick, yet somehow slow movement, but he already felt the blood seeping into his clothes. Closing his eyes, and smiling gently, he thought of the field. He thought of how he, and his friends and brothers had sung songs together, happy as ever. That was the last thing he thought of, before the never-ending void took away his thoughts and consciousness. He had... died the way he wanted to. He did the one thing he had contemplated for a year now. 

It was thirty minutes since it happened, and the rest of the family had gotten home. It felt...empty in a way? Tommy didn’t like the empty feeling the house usually had when he got home, so he went upstairs to get Wilbur. Opening the door to his room, he wasn’t there. That worried him. But he didn’t pay much mind to it. He never fully expressed his feelings, but he sure seemed happy and fine as of late. Looking around the hallway, he saw the bathroom light on, and the door closed. It filled him with a slight uneasy feeling, as he stepped closer to the door. Knocking on it, he asked for his brother. No response. He asked again. Still no response. He could smell something foul, something unusual from the bathroom. It wasn’t that strong, but it was there. Anxiously, he pushed down the door handle. As he opened the door, the smell was stronger, which made him feel sick. He wasn’t gonna wuss out now though. So he took two steps into the bathroom, and looked around to see what the smell was. He didn’t notice anything at first, until he saw the bathtub. 

“Wilbur..?” he shuddered under his breath, unable to take in the image he’s seeing. He felt tears well up in his eyes, as he dropped to his knees. His body felt weak, his breathing was shaky. He couldn’t feel his breath. 

“Wilby…why…why did you do this, of all the choices you had…” he sobbed, silently, still unable to realise what he had just seen, “You were...supposed to stay by my side. We were supposed to have fun together..! I...I cared about you so much.. What happened that you had to leave… Why did you leave…”

He sat on the floor, crying. He couldn’t move, even if he wanted to. This was all too much to take in at once. It was his _birthday_ , for Christ’s sake. It was supposed to be fun. He felt his breath get stuck in his throat constantly, yet he somehow still was able to breathe. It hurt. It hurt too much. He was supposed to stay with his older brother forever. They agreed to that plan, years ago. _They both agreed to it._

“Tommy? What’s going on?” Techno said, having silently walked up the stairs and to the doorframe of the bathroom. Seeing this sight confused him, along with the foul smell. He got no response out of the younger. He didn’t want to confront others when they were in such a state, but he had to know what was going on, so taking two steps into the room, he looked right at where Tommy was looking. The sight was...numbing. This wasn’t the first time he had witnessed something like this, but he had gotten close to Wilbur. He was finally befriending the guy, yet now he’s greeted with the sight of...blood. That’s it. It was just blood, along with a gentle smile. It stung. 

Crouching down, he comforted Tommy. He wasn’t one to get emotional, even while his tears burnt. They stung him, mocked him, saying how weak he was for letting himself cry at such a thing. Tommy felt the presence of the older, and just gently hugged him while still sobbing. It wasn’t something you’d expect on a birthday. It really wasn’t. The two sat on the floor, hugging. Techno mostly comforting the younger. He understood how painful this must be for him. He’d known him for years. It can’t be easy losing someone close to you, someone who was your brother. 

He slowly helped Tommy stand up, as he walked him to his bedroom to be in comfort while he had to tell Phil of this. You couldn’t just...let that stay as it is. Hurtfully, he told him what happened. The initial shock he saw in Phil’s eyes. He knew that look, he always had, but somehow this time it hurt more. It stung more. Why? Why did it sting more, if he should be used to it? He had gotten close to people before who...killed themselves. He always moved on, so why wasn’t he doing the same now? Those thoughts rushed through him, as the paramedics arrived, Phil having to talk with them, seeing many lights flash outside the window. It was too much of a blur to remember. He was lucky he even remembered a single thing of what happened that night. He couldn’t sleep either. How can you, after losing someone? 

-

Monday arrived, everyone at school was wearing sad looks. It confused Schlatt. It also confused him how he didn’t see Wilbur at the gate this morning. Maybe he was skipping? Who knows. He looked around to see what was going on, until he saw a memorial. He walked closer to it, and saw who it was for. Wilbur. His friend. His best friend.

“Pff- this is a joke, right? Which one of you fuckers did this?” he said, asking the surrounding students, who just shot him a hurt look and told him it wasn’t a joke.

“No- no. It HAS to be a joke. I fuckin’ talked with him yesterday! We- we talked for hours! It was his birthday! He wouldn’t do something like this, not out of the blue!” he yelled, more hurt than before. He felt his breath clog up in his throat, as people constantly told him that it was true, that it wasn’t a joke. It happened. It fucking happened. And Schlatt was the one who literally heard Wilbur’s last words. 

Feeling sick to his stomach, he ran to the bathroom. He couldn’t take in that information. Not now. Not ever. What kind of fucking sick joke it was. It was always a joke, or a dream! Yeah, yeah. It’s all just a dream, something he has to wake up from. And so he splashed himself in the face with water, while looking at himself in the mirror. It...wasn’t a dream? Maybe he had to try more! Maybe it was one of those lucid dreams or something! Yeah! That must be it! He frantically splashed his face with more water, yet it changed nothing. It wasn’t a fucking dream, was it? It wasn’t. 

Looking at himself in the mirror, he felt uneasy. He felt Wilbur’s presence with him, somehow. If the guy was dead, how would that happen? Was he just losing his sense of self with this? Was that what was happening? Was it? 

He felt how his legs were shaking, so he crouched down onto the floor. It was terrifying. He couldn’t take this in. He didn’t want to know that he would never be able to mess around with Wilbur, never be able to be teased again with his plushies, never again. He was...all alone. Again. Why did this always happen to him? Can’t a guy just have a best friend? Can’t he?

He let the tears roll down his cheeks, as he silently cried to himself in the bathroom, still feeling the presence of a friend he lost. 

That’s it.

That’s Wilbur’s story, coming to an end. He never truly made everyone happy, but he tried, did he not?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading this ^^
> 
> this helped me vent my thoughts somewhat aswell, since ive struggled alot with mental health and such. most things in this story are related to my own experiences, so having a way to express them through writing helped.
> 
> if you or a loved one is struggling with mental health and are contemplating to harm themselves etc, please do realise that you are loved. you matter. even if you feel nobody is there for you, theres always atleast one person who wants to be with you and love you for who you are. my words may not mean much, as im just another rando on the internet, but you will always have someone to talk to. please dont resort to the final option, ever. 
> 
> also, apologies if some parts in this chapter/fic in general, seem rushed. while i was motivated, it's hard to put my thoughts into words
> 
> stay safe, everyone ^^


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